you're not (responsible for) what people do to you
how people treat you is how they treat themselves. how you respond is how you treat you.
contrary to popular belief you’re not how others treat you
It's really easy to feel like the way someone treats you is a direct reflection of your worth, your value, how you should see yourself. We've all been there - someone doesn't text back and suddenly you're spiraling about what you did wrong. Or someone at work gives you attitude and you spend the whole day thinking maybe you're just not good enough. This happens when someone has a weak or damaged sense of self - because sense of self can get damaged.
how self-esteem works
No one comes out of the womb with low self-esteem. (Sometimes it happens - with prenatal rejection, that's spiritual.) But generally, everyone comes out with high self-esteem. Watch a toddler - they think everything they do is amazing. Nothing tells a baby they don't matter.
Then life happens. Someone makes fun of how you look in middle school. Your first relationship ends badly. You don't get the job you wanted. These variables start sending signals that you don't matter. And you start believing the way people treat you is because of you. When in reality, it says everything about them.
breaking the pattern
Here's what usually happens: someone treats you badly, you internalize it, your self-worth takes a hit, you start expecting bad treatment, and the cycle continues. But that's not God's design for relationships - with Him or with others.
the God part
It's not about how you're treated - it's about how you treat others and how you treat yourself. The first commandment makes this clear: love the Lord God with all your heart, soul, and spirit, and love your neighbor as you love yourself.
Notice the order: God first, then yourself, then others. Before you can love your neighbor, you have to be comfortable with the love already within you. Which is God. That's dominion.
what to do going forward
When someone treats you poorly, pause and ask:
Is this about me, or their own stuff?
Would I treat someone else this way?
Would I let someone I love accept this treatment?
Start treating yourself like someone you're responsible for helping. That means:
Speaking to yourself with kindness
Setting boundaries that protect your peace
Investing in your growth
Surrounding yourself with people who reflect God's love
Focus on how you treat yourself and how you treat others. Live well.
Because walking around with a damaged sense of self only creates a damaged reality - and that's way less than what God wants for you.
Remember: How people treat you is how they treat themselves. How you respond is how you treat you.