I look back on my first heartbreak as an apology to myself. Actually, I look back on every heartbreak of any kind as an apology to myself, because each and every one has led me back to love in a greater way.
And I think we have this idea that once we’re in possession of an apology, we’re entitled to the freedom that comes with it. Only to find that true freedom comes as a gift, sometimes disguised as a breaking, I mean Jesus wept.
And isn’t that interesting? That something you once believed was keeping you from love could actually lead you into a greater understanding of it? That something you thought you needed to be free from could become the very thing through which you discovered your freedom?
I’ve only recently come into this realization, and I’ve found that once my spirit gets a hold of something, a light, it just grows and grows and grows and grows.
So don’t despise the day of small beginnings. Don’t look at yourself or your life as something that hates you, despises you. And don’t look at God in that way either, because for you, He wants greater measures of Him expressed through you, so that you won’t be burdened by the weight of your humanity, when a higher life is available now, even before death.
Anyway, I was in Ottawa this past weekend because my cousin is getting married (!!) next year, so we were meeting her fiancés’ family. First of all, Ottawa is beautiful. Second of all, I ate SO good. And third, I absolutely love being on the bride’s side of the family.
It was such a wonderful weekend, and on my way home I was just thinking about how happy I am for my cousin and how much of a gift it is for these two families to be joining. Truly, a gift, literally, figuratively, spiritually, all the things. They’re phenomenal people, and I think the whole experience reminded me of how wonderful love is and how much more of it there is for us to know.
Anyway, I got home, and I had edits waiting for me, client stuff waiting for me, more editing waiting for me. And I’m like, someone run me a Lemme Focus and some Cognizin because apparently we have things to DO.
And then I could feel myself getting stressed. But almost immediately, I had this thought. Wait. Why am I stressed? Like, genuinely. What is stressful here?
I have edits to make. Okay? I have client work to finish. Okay? But none of these things are inherently stressful. I’m looking at the things I have to do and choosing to experience them as something stressful.
And it was in that moment that I realized an exchange was needed.
I talked about this recently in my Bible study, this idea of exchange, and how when God gives us something, we give Him thanksgiving in return. We return the glory to where it’s due, right?
And I was thinking about all these things I had to do, and I’m like, wait, an exchange is needed here, too.
What am I actually in the process of doing right now?
I’m in the process of exchanging a perception that everything is incredibly stressful for the reality that I’m choosing to look at it as something that’s stressing me out.
And just like that, I could see the situation differently.
Which got me thinking about how often we do this without even realizing it. We become so used to approaching things from a particular place that even when our circumstances change, we continue to experience them the same way.
And perhaps that’s the strange comfort of being overwhelmed.
Because there’s something about familiarity, even when what we’re familiar with isn’t necessarily good for us. We know what it feels like to be stressed. We know what it feels like to have a million things to do. And sometimes, even when there’s nothing particularly wrong, we find ourselves returning to that same feeling.
I think there’s something to be said about how easily we make a habit out of our own experiences. Because if we’re not thoughtful about it, we give ourselves a habit to inhabit. We give ourselves a place to dwell in, and then we wonder why we keep finding ourselves there.
And I wonder how much of our stress comes from what we’re actually experiencing and how much of it comes from what we’ve become accustomed to feeling.
Which brings me to cortisol.
And while we can’t simply decide what our cortisol levels are, there are things we can do to support our bodies, and I think there’s something to be said for doing them thoughtfully.
1. not everything that needs your attention needs anxiety
Just because something needs to be done doesn’t mean that something is wrong. And just because something is important doesn’t mean you have to be anxious about it.
2. slow down, girl
Take your time getting ready. Enjoy your shower. Listen to your music. Eat your breakfast without feeling like you have to finish it in five minutes.
I don’t think everything needs to be done slowly, but I also don’t think everything needs to be rushed.
3. get some sunlight in the morning
Go outside. Take a walk if you can. Drink some water. Get your body moving.
4. learn how to calm yourself down in the moment
One of the techniques I came across is called a physiological sigh, which is essentially a way of breathing that can help calm your body’s stress response.
You take a deep inhale through your nose, take another shorter inhale, and then slowly exhale through your mouth.
anyway, one last thing
I keep thinking about my cousin and how wonderful it is that she’s getting married, and how much of a gift it was to spend the weekend with family. Then I think about the things I’ve experienced in my own life, the heartbreaks I once thought would keep me from the Love I Told God About, only to find that each one has led me into a greater understanding of it.
I think that’s what I’ve been trying to say.
Sometimes we don’t need an entirely different experience. Sometimes we need to come into a greater understanding of the one we’re already having.
And I think it’s important that we remain open to that, because otherwise we can spend so much of our lives dwelling in an understanding of things that God is trying to bring us beyond.
The edits were still there when I got home. The client work was still there. I still had things to do. But I didn’t have to give myself over to the stress I was beginning to feel simply because it was familiar to me.
An exchange was needed, and I made it.
And while you’re doing these practical things to care for your body and manage your stress, I want you to think about what I said earlier.
Not everything happens for you to be crushed by it. Sometimes even the thoughts that trouble you come so that you can enter into these kinds of realizations.
So don’t despise the day of small beginnings. Don’t look at yourself or your life as something that hates you. And don’t look at God that way, either.
There is so much more of His love for you to know.
Love you something serious,
Zozo