thank God you weren't (perfect)

You're going to hate yourself at 23 for staying in that relationship. For trying so hard to make it work. For thinking if you just loved him enough, he'd finally love you right.

You're going to cringe at how many times you ordered salad when you wanted pasta.

You're going to wish you'd quit that first job sooner. That toxic boss. That terrible pay. The way you kept trying to prove yourself to people who were never going to value you.

But you needed to be that girl.

The one who apologized for everything. Who thought being liked was more important than being real. Who spent her entire paycheck on clothes that never made her feel pretty enough.

The one who went to law school because her parents wanted her to. Who stayed up late memorizing case laws when she really wanted to write.

You had to be her first.

You had to believe the lies. That smaller was better. That love had to hurt. That success looked like burning yourself out.

You had to date the wrong people. Let them dim your light. Shrink yourself to fit their idea of you.

You had to take the job that crushed your soul. Spend two years feeling like you were dying inside. Watch everyone else climb that ladder while you wondered what was wrong with you.

You had to try all the diets. Count all the calories. Spend years at war with your body.

Because that's how you learned.

That's how you figured out what you actually want. Not what everyone told you to want.

That's how you learned what hunger really feels like. And I don't mean food.

Every time you got it wrong was a step toward getting it right.

Every time you tried to fix someone else instead of yourself.

Every time you chose safe instead of real.

Every time you said yes when your whole body was screaming no.

You're not broken. You're not behind. You're not doing it wrong.

You're just learning what you don't want anymore.

And that's the whole point.

So thank God you weren't perfect. Thank God you messed up. Thank God you stayed too long, tried too hard, gave too much.

Because that's how you became this version of yourself. The one who finally knows what she wants.

And isn't sorry for wanting it.