Dear little miss discerning diva...

your wedding bells are ringingggggggg (fr this time)

♬ ♪♬ ♫ Here comes the brideeeeee, all cloaked in wisdommmmmmm ♪♬ ♫♪♬ ♫♪♪

This week, we’re diving right in. As we approach the end of our time together, I’m confident that by the end of this mini collection of wisdom, you’ll never accept less than you deserve.

You won’t settle for anything less than the relationship God intends for you, and you’ll stand firm in your decision to wait for the right man, not the available and interested right now man. The right man will come for you—you belong to him, like a parent picking up their child or a key to a door that’s all yours. No one leaves behind what’s part of them.

Let’s get into it, shall we? I hope your notes app is ready.

If you missed last week, catch up here.

MARRIAGE MART LESSON FOUR

1. Always Set Boundaries

   Firmly but Politely Stand firm, but be gentle. Set your boundaries clearly, without feeling the need to be harsh. Whether it’s turning down a request or setting limits around intimacy, be assertive while maintaining respect. Be the lady your parents raised you to be (or should’ve, lol).
   

2. Recognize Patterns in His Behavior
   Pay attention to any recurring behaviors that suggest dependency or avoidance of responsibility. If he’s leaning on you for financial or emotional support constantly, take note—it could signal a deeper issue you’re better off without. He’s going against his biological design.

   

3. Stay Independent and Continue Your Life
   Girl, your plans don’t stop for a man. Stay committed to your hobbies, your career, your friendships—whatever it is that lights you up. Independence is magnetic, and a full life is your birthright. You are a human being, after all.
   

4. Respect Yourself and Carry Yourself with Dignity
   How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you

   

5. Be Seen as Someone Important (Because You Are??)
   Project your value, girl. Hold yourself with the kind of energy that demands respect. What people see is how you feel about yourself. The way you perceive yourself sets the tone for how others will treat you.
   

6. Retire the FBI Badge, Girl—Hang It Up
   Don't cling to him before he’s given you something real to hold onto. That means no trailing him around at events or constantly showing up uninvited. Neediness isn’t cute, and you’re too valuable to act like you’re chasing anyone. He’s supposed to chase you. He’s supposed to know who your cousin tagged in that one post is and where they went to school. Don’t play detective until it’s warranted.
   

7. Be You
   A confident woman doesn’t need validation from anyone, and that is the real magic. Men are drawn to women who walk with dignity and self-worth—it’s intoxicating without you even trying.
   

   

8. Don’t Try to Change Him
   You can't mold him into who you want him to be, no matter how much you think it’s for his own good. Men don’t like feeling controlled. Instead, model the behavior you want to see—if he’s worth it, he’ll adapt on his own. Instead of matching his energy, be your energy. If you’re "energy-ing" right, you won’t tolerate anything you don’t want to see.
   

9. The Magic of the Roster
   If he’s seeing other people, you’re free to do the same. Exclusivity is a two-way street, and you shouldn't be the only one committed while he keeps his options open. Even if you have to make up an imaginary roster, don’t hang all of your hopes on one man.

10. Don’t Let Him Pressure You
    Politeness isn’t weakness—it’s power. You can set boundaries with grace. Decline demands, reject advances, but do it with a smile. It’s a lot harder for someone to argue against a firm decision wrapped in kindness.
    

11. Let Him Experience the Consequences of His Actions
    If he disrespects you or takes you for granted, don’t shield him from the fallout. Distance yourself. Show him what it feels like when he loses access to your presence. And if he doesn’t care when you distance yourself, girl, why do you?

    

12. Avoid Emotional Outbursts and Desperation (e.g., Voice Notes… .. ………)
    No crying fits, no yelling, no emotional rollercoasters. Maturity means handling disagreements with grace and controlling your reactions. Emotional stability is attractive; it’s a sign of strength. Hold your trigger (record button) finger.

    

13. You’re Not Santa Claus
    Dial back the lavish gifts and over-the-top gestures—especially early on. You’re not here to prove your worth by out-gifting him. Let generosity be mutual, and don’t overinvest in someone who hasn’t yet earned that place in your life.
    

14. The Evil Eye Is Real
    Keep things private until there’s something worth sharing. Don’t introduce him to your family or start future-planning before things are stable. A solid foundation needs time without outside interference. Hot take: your friends don’t have to know absolutely everything—especially early on. We’re adults now, let’s act like it.
    

    

15. Men Are Hard Everywhere Women Are Soft
    Confidence doesn’t mean coldness. Warmth, kindness, and emotional availability are still attractive—balance them with your independence. Let him see your softer side, but not at the cost of your dignity. You’re designed this way, and it’s evidenced in our physical makeup. Don’t play boy if you’re not one.
    

16. Don’t Tolerate Disrespect
    Mistreatment doesn’t deserve a pass. Address disrespect immediately, and if it continues, distance yourself. Men respect women who set boundaries and hold firm. Just leave. Ghost even.
    

17. No People Pleasing Allowed
    People-pleasing never did anyone any favors. Authenticity is what’s attractive—not bending over backward to win approval. Be real, and let him meet you there.
    

18. Don’t Be the Resident Initiator
    If you’re always initiating everything—calls, visits, dates—stop. Take a step back and see if he steps up. If he doesn’t, reassess the dynamic and what you deserve.

    

19. Never Ever Mention Commitment or Marriage
    Commitment and marriage should be his idea, not something you push for. Let him come to it naturally. Anything forced rarely has a solid foundation. If I catch one of you on any early date talking about commitment or marriage first, I will find you, and I will give you a very stern… questioning look.
    

20. Avoid Guilt Trips or Emotional Manipulation
    No guilt-tripping. No manipulative antics. Just real, open communication. Emotional health matters, and manipulation has no place in a healthy relationship. You’re an adult—be decent.
    

21. He Doesn’t Need to Know Who Hurt You
    You don’t need to share every detail about your past relationships. Privacy protects what’s still growing—keep things close until you’re ready to go public. As far as he’s concerned, you have no ex-anythings.
    

22. Red Flags Are God’s Mercy
    See a red flag? Don’t ignore it. Address it directly, and if it’s not resolved, walk away. You don’t have to stick around hoping for change. Accept what you see.

23. Avoid Being Codependent
    Be it financial or emotional—dependency is never a good look. Cultivate your own foundation, and let him be the value-add, not the whole structure. You’re your own person—you should have your own infrastructure.
    

24. Be the Standards You Claim to Have
    Your standards are set by the way you live, not by telling him what to do. Maintain your high standards, and let him rise to meet them.
    

25. He Should Be Into You
    Communication should be two-way. If you’re the only one starting conversations, something’s off. Reevaluate the balance.

    

26. Avoid Drastic Life Changes for Him
    No quitting jobs or moving cities without a serious commitment. He needs to be fully in before you make those sacrifices.
    

27. Manage Power Dynamics Carefully
    Dating someone powerful or wealthy? Keep your balance. Don't be impressed just because he’s got money, status, or "power." Show him that your worth isn’t tied to his bank balance, and you don’t consider his worth tied to any of those things either.
    

28. Act Like You’ve Been Here Before
    Gratitude is great, but don't go overboard. Appreciate his gestures without acting like he's your savior for being decent.
    

29. Be Strategic with Your Physical Presence
    Avoid always being around him. Give him space, and keep things balanced. Constantly being there can lessen your allure. Don’t be around all the time—that’s a recipe for being taken for granted.

    

30. Don’t Be His (or His Friend’s) Maid
    Don't become his friends' or family’s cook or caretaker until there’s a commitment. They’re not dating you—he’s dating you or getting to know you. You don’t earn love; it’s freely given. If he wants the benefits of a wife, it’d be in his best interest to either recognize you as his own or move on.

31. Pull Back Sometimes
    Silence doesn’t mean something’s wrong. Don’t fill every moment with words. Let there be stillness, and let connection grow in the quiet. You don’t need to speak every day, especially early on. It’s like overwatering a budding garden. Let the soil, sun, and air do their work.
    

32. Be Willing to Walk Away
    If it’s not working, walk away. Nothing makes your worth clearer than knowing when to leave. And sometimes, that’s what it takes for him to understand what he’s about to lose. If he’s comfortable losing you, he’s not the one, so… you won.

That’s all, my beautiful chiquitas. Believe it or not, have faith in it or not, but many of you are going to be stepping into this beautiful covenant we call marriage very soon, and I’m just here to make sure you don’t get distracted along the way.

Until next week, remember: stay wise, stay busy, and always be a little unattainable.

Selah, dream girl.