I listened to this song called “Stop The Wedding!” by Ashe, and it’s such an empowering song. It liberates you. All of the comments were like, choose yourself, pick your life, and it just fills you with so much power when you say that, right?

Choose yourself. You remember that you have a choice. That you don’t have to keep going down a path just because you’ve already started going down it.

So many times we think that we have one option,

which is to keep going. But you can either go down the path you’ve been going and keep going down it, or you can turn back and go down a different path. The issue with going down a different path is that now you have to turn around, and there’s a lot of intrinsic labor that goes into starting over. It feels like you’ve made no progress.

The price you pay for starting over is the imagined benefit of progress.

You think that because you’re starting over, you’re not going to get where you want to go, and you’ve wasted all this time. But if you’re going down a path that wouldn’t take you where you would ultimately find your own fulfillment, or find your own joy, then was it ever really progress? Were you ever really going anywhere, or were you just delaying the inevitable?

Turning around can actually take you far ahead of where you would have gone if you’d kept going. But first you have to let go of the idea that continuing is the same thing as progressing.

So I’m listening to this song, and everyone is saying choose yourself, and I understand it.

But I introduce to you the concept of choosing yourself being a picture of going down the wrong path.

Because when you don’t have an accurate picture of who you’re choosing when you say choose yourself, you’ll end up choosing who you think you are.

And then once you choose her, she starts making decisions. Because when you choose someone, let’s define what that is, right? You give them preeminence in your life. You give them a front seat. You let them drive your life. If I choose to be healthy today, the healthy version of me is going to drive all of my decisions related to my health. If I choose today to let the lazy version of me drive, she’s going to make my decisions. If I choose today to let this idea of who I am and what brings me fulfillment drive, she’s going to make all of my decisions with whatever goals she has in mind. And I can call that choosing myself, but I still have to ask who I’ve actually chosen.

But if I choose the version of me that is aligned with who God created, and who God had in mind, and what He had in mind, and not only what but how He had it in mind, she’s going to drive. And the way that she drives is that she lets go of the need to control how something will happen, or when it’ll happen. She’s choosing who God created her to be, but she’s also choosing to trust the One who created her. Because how am I going to choose who He had in mind while refusing to choose Him?

Jesus said to His disciples, “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you.” And that’s what I’m talking about. Choose yourself, but only after you’ve chosen who’s chosen you. Because when I’m choosing who God created, I’m not trying to convince Him to want her. I’m choosing someone He already had in mind.

And I wrote something else that was like, not wanting something is as good as having it. When you don’t want control, that is when you get control. Not because you can suddenly make everything happen exactly the way you want it to, but because you can finally choose without needing to control everything that comes after. That’s when you’re finally able to have some sort of power. Because power belongs to God.

So much of what I’m talking about is that we have the power to choose. We can choose who gets preeminence. We can choose who’s driving. We can choose whether we’re going to keep going down a path because we’ve already spent so much time on it, or whether we’re willing to turn around.

In Deuteronomy, Moses puts life and death before the people and tells them to choose life. Jesus speaks about the narrow way that leads to life, and how few find it. So it isn’t just about having a choice. It’s about what you choose. And I’m not saying choosing the right path will never feel difficult. There’s still the labor of turning around. There’s still the surrender of how you thought something was going to happen, or when you thought it was going to happen.

But look how beautiful nature is.

The One who made it made it so that it can keep doing what it’s doing, and you’re not going to trust the wisdom behind a process that you’re actually a part of? You’re going to trust Him with all of that, but not with you?

I think about how much resistance there can be in trying to make a life work around an idea of ourselves that was never accurate to begin with.

How horrible it can feel to keep choosing something outside of who we authentically are, while calling it choosing ourselves.

The only thing I would caution you, the only thing I would advise, the only thing I can tell you as your friend, as your sister, as just another girl who happens to be alive at the same time as you, is to stop the wedding.

Stop marrying the concept of who you think will fulfill you. Stop attaching yourself to a million maybes and attach yourself to absolute certainty.

Not certainty about exactly how or when everything will happen, but certainty in the One you’ve chosen. The One who’s already chosen you. That is how you choose yourself. That is how you pick. Stop the wedding.

Where to Catch Moi

If you liked this post, you know where to find me…

TikTok: @astoldbyzozo

Instagram: @zozoshumba

YouTube: @zozoshumba

Substack: fromloveitself.com

☆ GM TEXT

☆The 5 Stages of Detachment

☆ Daily Prayer

The 5 Stages of Detachment

How to Know What Phase You’re In Because It Lowkey Determines How Close You Are to Love Itself <3

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”” Psalm 46:10

1. Acknowledgment. You stop pretending you didn’t want it. You admit how much you cared, but it doesn’t hold you anymore.

2. Introspection. You ask why you were so attached. Not what you lost, but who you thought you’d be if you had it.

3. Processing. You start seeing what the whole thing was actually showing you about yourself, instead of what was happening to you.

4. Creative action. You move again. Not to prove anything. Because you finally have the room to, you’re excited again, you start dreaming again, visualizing again, hoping again.

5. Freedom. It crosses your mind and doesn’t take anything from you. You don’t announce it. You just keep going. You bless them it, or whatever, wish them well, and keep it pushing.

Detachment isn’t a decision, it’s a process. You don’t move through it in a straight line and it doesn’t announce itself. You’ll just notice, later, that you stopped checking. And that you’re doing better. I pray this over all of you there’s literally nothing like it, the freedom is next to none. No Natalie. <3

Share From Love Itself

a prayer for your thoughts?

THE NEW CREATION DECLARATION
2 Corinthians 5:17

If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!

Thank You, Jesus, that I am a new creation in Christ. Thank You that the old is gone, the new is here. I put on my new identity in Christ in the name of Jesus.

I make my body, my flesh, and my soul subject to who I am in the Spirit. I make it subject to who I am in my new nature.

The light of life lives inside of me.
The light of life lives inside of my atoms at a molecular level.
The Holy Spirit radiates out of me.

In Jesus’ name, I am a new creation.

⋆

I put off the old identity.
I put off the old self in which I’ve been programmed to believe that I am all my life.
I put it off and I put on the new self.
I put on the righteousness of God.

⋆

All memories, all traumas, and all sin cycles stop when I declare that I’m a new creation.
All sin cycles stop when I put on my new identity.
All sin cycles stop when I put on the robes of righteousness.
All sin cycles stop when I put on the helmet of salvation and the crown in which I rule from because I am seated in heavenly places.

I walk in power and authority in the name of Jesus.
I walk as a new creature.
It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.
In the Spirit, I am seated in heavenly places right now.

⋆

I am a co-heir in Christ. Everything in the Father’s house I have access to.

I have access to healing, and I declare healing over my body.
I have access to provision and finances, so I declare finances and provision to do the will of the Father.
I have access to health and wholeness in my body, so I declare health and wholeness over my entire being.
I have access to divine knowledge, so I declare divine knowledge over my mind — knowledge over people’s situations, supernatural insight as to strongholds that are trying to come over my life and trying to create confusion.

I have that divine insight, intel, and discernment that comes from Holy Spirit because I am seated in heavenly places.

⋆

I am a royal priesthood.
That means I have authority in the name of Jesus. I’m not just saved, but I have authoritative divine power in the realm of the Spirit to make things on earth as it is in heaven.

Even though my default programming has been to rely on my emotions, my circumstances, how I feel, my lack, my health, anxiety, demonic attacks, people leaving, and opportunities not working, I no longer identify with those things because I am a royal priesthood, a co-heir with Christ, and a new creation.

⋆

Therefore, my life on earth looks drastically different than it used to look.

In the name of Jesus, I put off my mind and I put on the mind of Christ.
We have the mind of Christ.

I declare right now that I no longer struggle to hear from God, because the mind of Christ does not struggle to hear from the Lord.

I do not struggle with prophetic knowledge, because the mind of Christ does not struggle with prophetic knowledge.

⋆

So I put off my carnal mind, I separate it from my body, and I put on the righteous, glorious, pure mind of Christ.

When the Father looks at me, He sees purity.
When the Father looks at me, He sees His Son.

So right now, in the name of Jesus, I put on the mind of Christ.

I declare I can hear Holy Spirit.
I can hear the voice of the Father.
I can hear the voice of Jesus.
I can understand their personalities.
I can understand their unique identities.

⋆

Because it’s no longer my thoughts that are popping up, it is God’s thoughts and God’s voice that is speaking into my mind, not my own thoughts.

I am a new creation, and I declare that I will walk in that power and authority today.

We take dominion and power over every principality suffocating our minds and our hearts, tormenting us with memory of past sin, past trauma, and past cycles.

We take hold of that in the Spirit and submit it to the feet of Jesus and declare freedom and deliverance in Jesus’ name.

⋆

I tear down any carnal intellectual arguments about who we are in Christ in the Spirit.
I tear down the structures of intellectualism by walking in power and authority.

And though life is uncertain, I walk in a certainty that Jesus died and rose again, and His blood is completely washing over my being every minute of today.

⋆

I submit my emotions, how I feel, the cloud of doubt, and the fog of fear at the feet of Jesus, and I choose right now to no longer live from that paradigm.

In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I command my body and my soul to awaken to my new nature and to walk in that power and authority for the rest of the day.

⋆

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

lovee u hallelujah

☆ GM Text

☆ acne is a $5 million business before dinner, K-beauty moved into Target, and your partner needs to feel seen more than known

☆ 3 Questions for a Self-Concept Reset

☆ Daily Prayer

acne is a $5 million business before dinner, K-beauty moved into Target, and your partner needs to feel seen more than known

• Alix Earle’s new skincare brand did $5 million in its first four hours. the line is called Reale Actives. it focuses on acne, which is what she first got famous for talking about. it sold out by late afternoon on launch day. her first million came in under five minutes

  • say this: “Alix Earle’s new skincare brand Reale Actives did five million dollars in its first four hours. sold out by late afternoon. first million came in under five minutes.”

• Medicube is now at Target. the K-beauty brand got big on TikTok for the Zero Pore Pads and the Collagen Niacinamide mask. it’s already in Ulta and Sephora and now it’s sitting in Target across the country. K-beauty is officially mass retail

  • say this: “Medicube is now at Target. you might know the Zero Pore Pads from TikTok. K-beauty is officially mass retail at this point.”

• a reminder from relationship research. the thing that predicts whether you’re happy is feeling known by your partner. not how well you think you know them. it’s the being-seen side that does the work

  • say this: “the thing that predicts whether you’re happy in a relationship is feeling known by your partner. not how well you think you know them. the being-seen side does the work.”

3 Questions for a Self-Concept Reset

Share From Love Itself

Prayers prayers prayers….

THE NEW CREATION DECLARATION
2 Corinthians 5:17

If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!

Thank You, Jesus, that I am a new creation in Christ. Thank You that the old is gone, the new is here. I put on my new identity in Christ in the name of Jesus.

I make my body, my flesh, and my soul subject to who I am in the Spirit. I make it subject to who I am in my new nature.

The light of life lives inside of me.
The light of life lives inside of my atoms at a molecular level.
The Holy Spirit radiates out of me.

In Jesus’ name, I am a new creation.

⋆

I put off the old identity.
I put off the old self in which I’ve been programmed to believe that I am all my life.
I put it off and I put on the new self.
I put on the righteousness of God.

⋆

All memories, all traumas, and all sin cycles stop when I declare that I’m a new creation.
All sin cycles stop when I put on my new identity.
All sin cycles stop when I put on the robes of righteousness.
All sin cycles stop when I put on the helmet of salvation and the crown in which I rule from because I am seated in heavenly places.

I walk in power and authority in the name of Jesus.
I walk as a new creature.
It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.
In the Spirit, I am seated in heavenly places right now.

⋆

I am a co-heir in Christ. Everything in the Father’s house I have access to.

I have access to healing, and I declare healing over my body.
I have access to provision and finances, so I declare finances and provision to do the will of the Father.
I have access to health and wholeness in my body, so I declare health and wholeness over my entire being.
I have access to divine knowledge, so I declare divine knowledge over my mind — knowledge over people’s situations, supernatural insight as to strongholds that are trying to come over my life and trying to create confusion.

I have that divine insight, intel, and discernment that comes from Holy Spirit because I am seated in heavenly places.

⋆

I am a royal priesthood.
That means I have authority in the name of Jesus. I’m not just saved, but I have authoritative divine power in the realm of the Spirit to make things on earth as it is in heaven.

Even though my default programming has been to rely on my emotions, my circumstances, how I feel, my lack, my health, anxiety, demonic attacks, people leaving, and opportunities not working, I no longer identify with those things because I am a royal priesthood, a co-heir with Christ, and a new creation.

⋆

Therefore, my life on earth looks drastically different than it used to look.

In the name of Jesus, I put off my mind and I put on the mind of Christ.
We have the mind of Christ.

I declare right now that I no longer struggle to hear from God, because the mind of Christ does not struggle to hear from the Lord.

I do not struggle with prophetic knowledge, because the mind of Christ does not struggle with prophetic knowledge.

⋆

So I put off my carnal mind, I separate it from my body, and I put on the righteous, glorious, pure mind of Christ.

When the Father looks at me, He sees purity.
When the Father looks at me, He sees His Son.

So right now, in the name of Jesus, I put on the mind of Christ.

I declare I can hear Holy Spirit.
I can hear the voice of the Father.
I can hear the voice of Jesus.
I can understand their personalities.
I can understand their unique identities.

⋆

Because it’s no longer my thoughts that are popping up, it is God’s thoughts and God’s voice that is speaking into my mind, not my own thoughts.

I am a new creation, and I declare that I will walk in that power and authority today.

We take dominion and power over every principality suffocating our minds and our hearts, tormenting us with memory of past sin, past trauma, and past cycles.

We take hold of that in the Spirit and submit it to the feet of Jesus and declare freedom and deliverance in Jesus’ name.

⋆

I tear down any carnal intellectual arguments about who we are in Christ in the Spirit.
I tear down the structures of intellectualism by walking in power and authority.

And though life is uncertain, I walk in a certainty that Jesus died and rose again, and His blood is completely washing over my being every minute of today.

⋆

I submit my emotions, how I feel, the cloud of doubt, and the fog of fear at the feet of Jesus, and I choose right now to no longer live from that paradigm.

In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I command my body and my soul to awaken to my new nature and to walk in that power and authority for the rest of the day.

⋆

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

have a wonderfullll beautifullll mercy filled day <3

happy friday diva,

I’m currently typing this in the passenger princess seat, hotspot and all, but I HAD to get this to you today.

• Letter from the Editor

• Where Will You Meet Your Soulmate? (Quiz)

• Our 30 Day Prayer

• The Dress Digest

Where Will You Meet Your Soulmate?

A Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Quiz

Start at Question 1. Pick A or B, follow the arrow. Don’t overthink it.

♡ Question 1

Think about the last time you felt truly seen by someone. What made it feel that way?

A) They asked the right question at the right time. Not a surface question. A real one. → Go to Question 2

B) They didn’t say much at all. They just stayed. → Go to Question 3

♡ Question 2

Be honest. When you imagine the man God has for you, what scares you more?

A) That I’ll have to become smaller to fit into his life → Go to Question 4

B) That I’ll let my guard down and he’ll be careless with it → Go to Question 5

♡ Question 3

When God is working on something in your life, how does it usually show up?

A) Disruption. He pulls the rug out and I realize later it was a redirect. → Go to Question 6

B) Repetition. The same word, the same theme, the same nudge, over and over until I finally pay attention. → Go to Question 7

♡ Question 4

You’ve been the most driven person in the room more times than you can count. How does that actually feel?

A) Lonely. I want someone operating at my speed, not someone I have to drag along. → Go to your result: ✈️ New York City

B) Powerful but exhausting. I don’t need someone to match me. I need someone who makes me want to sit down. → Go to your result: ✈️ Rio de Janeiro

♡ Question 5

How do you pray about love these days?

A) I’ve stopped asking for specifics. I just ask God to prepare me for whoever it is. → Go to your result: [✈️ London]

B) I pray detailed prayers. I believe God honors specificity and I ask for exactly what I want. → Go to Question 8

♡ Question 6

What’s the real reason your last season of love didn’t work?

A) I was performing a version of myself that wasn’t real. Eventually the act got too heavy. → Go to your result: [✈️ Cape Town]

B) It wasn’t bad. It just wasn’t right. And I’ve learned those aren’t the same thing. → Go to your result: [✈️ Split, Croatia]

♡ Question 7

If God told you tomorrow that your person was already in your life, would you believe Him?

A) Yes. Something in me has been sensing that for a while now. → [Go to your result: 📍 The City You’re Already In]

B) Honestly? No. I would need proof. I’ve been let down too many times. → [Go to Question 9]

♡ Question 8

When you picture your love story, is it something you’ve been building toward or something that blindsides you?

A) Building toward. Every lesson, every heartbreak, every prayer was preparation for this. → Go to your result: [✈️ Cape Town]

B) I think it blindsides me. I think God does something I never would have planned. → Go to your result: [✈️ Split, Croatia]

♡ Question 9

What do you need to hear most right now?

A) That it’s okay to want this. That wanting love doesn’t make me desperate or less faithful. → Go to your result: [✈️ Rio de Janeiro]

B) That the wait isn’t wasted. That God hasn’t forgotten this part of my life. → Go to your result: [✈️ London]

YOUR RESULTS

★ London 🇬🇧

You need to be known before you’re loved.

You’ve been the strong one for a long time. The capable one. The one people lean on. And somewhere in that, you learned to keep your deepest stuff out of reach. Not because you don’t want closeness. Because you’ve seen what happens when the wrong person gets access.

London is grey and cold half the year and people go back anyway. You walk the same streets five times and still find something you missed. That’s the kind of love God has for you. Not the flashy kind. The kind that shows up on a random Tuesday and stays through the boring parts. He’s the man who asks the follow-up question. You give the rehearsed answer and he says, “okay but what do you actually mean?” And the first time you let him have the real answer and he just sits there, steady, you’ll feel something shift that you can’t name yet.

God is not in a hurry with your heart. Neither is this man. “Be still, and know that I am God.” — Psalm 46:10

★ Split, Croatia 🇭🇷

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.” — Jeremiah 29:11

You’ve done the work. Now God does something you didn’t ask for.

You’re not the same woman you were two years ago and you know it. You did the therapy. The journaling. The hard conversations with yourself and with God. You let go of the picture in your head. And because you let go of it, there’s finally room for something better.

Split is the city you’ve never heard of. You see the name and think “where is that?” He comes from a direction you weren’t watching. He doesn’t match the list you wrote at 22, and that’s what makes him right. He fits the woman you actually became.

It happens in an ordinary moment, by the way. You’re laughing at something stupid or lost in a neighborhood you don’t recognize. No slow-motion eye contact. No soundtrack. You’ll tell the story later and it’ll sound like nothing, and you’ll both know it was everything.

★ Rio de Janeiro 🇧🇷

You’ve been turning the volume down on yourself. Stop it.

At some point you picked up the idea that wanting big, consuming, ridiculous love was too much. That good Christian women want something quieter than that. That the ache in your chest for something passionate means you’re being dramatic.

That’s a lie.

God made you to feel things at full blast. Rio is loud and bright and warm and nobody there is apologizing for it. Your soulmate finds you there because he’s the man who walks into your fullness and exhales. He’s been looking for someone who doesn’t need everything to be measured and moderate. He sees your tears and your joy and your big prayers and your big laugh and he just... stays.

You have permission to want this. “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” — Proverbs 31:25

★ Cape Town 🇿🇦

You’re done with shallow.

Done with surface friendships. Done with “what are we” conversations that go nowhere. Done with men who think “I’m spiritual” counts as depth. You’ve been swimming in the deep end for a while now and the honest truth is it gets lonely out there. You start wondering if anybody else goes this far.

Your soulmate is the man who has his own relationship with God that you didn’t build for him. He prays on his own. He reads on his own. He’s been doing the work in private the same way you have, and you’ll realize that the first time you hear him pray out loud. He’s not performing for you. That’s just how he talks to God.

Cape Town because it’s a city where the sacred sits right next to the wild. Table Mountain on one side, the ocean on the other, and somehow it holds. That’s what your love looks like. Two people who came to the table already whole. They don’t need each other. They chose each other. There’s a difference and you’ve always known it.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” — 1 Peter 4:8

★ New York City 🇺🇸

You don’t need saving. You need a partner.

You are tired. Not of love. Of being the most ambitious person in every relationship you’ve been in. Of explaining your five-year plan to someone who doesn’t think past the weekend. Of watching a man’s face shift when he realizes you might be more driven than he is. You know exactly what that face looks like. You’ve seen it enough times.

He meets you mid-stride. He’s not on the sideline clapping. He’s in his own lane, building his own thing, and the two of you lock eyes because you recognize something. Same work ethic. Same 6 a.m. mornings. Same refusal to settle for a version of life that’s smaller than what God promised.

He doesn’t tell you to relax. He doesn’t call you intense like it’s a diagnosis. He matches your pace all week and he’s the reason you actually rest on the weekends. New York because where else would you be? You were never going to meet your person standing still.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9

★ The City You’re Already In 📍

Look around.

You’ve been treating love like something that lives on the other side of a major life change. After the move. After the glow-up. After the next season of growth. And God is saying turn around. “The Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” — Joshua 1:9

He might be someone you already know. Someone you wrote off because the timing was wrong or you had him filed under “friend” and never revisited. Or he’s a stranger at the place you go every week. Same coffee shop. Same church row. Same Wednesday night.

Your love story doesn’t need a plane ticket. It needs you to look up.

Which city did you get? Reply and tell me. I want to know. 💌

Share

Our 30 Day Prayer

THE NEW CREATION DECLARATION
2 Corinthians 5:17

If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!

Thank You, Jesus, that I am a new creation in Christ. Thank You that the old is gone, the new is here. I put on my new identity in Christ in the name of Jesus.

I make my body, my flesh, and my soul subject to who I am in the Spirit. I make it subject to who I am in my new nature.

The light of life lives inside of me.
The light of life lives inside of my atoms at a molecular level.
The Holy Spirit radiates out of me.

In Jesus’ name, I am a new creation.

I put off the old identity.
I put off the old self in which I’ve been programmed to believe that I am all my life.
I put it off and I put on the new self.
I put on the righteousness of God.

All memories, all traumas, and all sin cycles stop when I declare that I’m a new creation.
All sin cycles stop when I put on my new identity.
All sin cycles stop when I put on the robes of righteousness.
All sin cycles stop when I put on the helmet of salvation and the crown in which I rule from because I am seated in heavenly places.

I walk in power and authority in the name of Jesus.
I walk as a new creature.
It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.
In the Spirit, I am seated in heavenly places right now.

I am a co-heir in Christ. Everything in the Father’s house I have access to.

I have access to healing, and I declare healing over my body.
I have access to provision and finances, so I declare finances and provision to do the will of the Father.
I have access to health and wholeness in my body, so I declare health and wholeness over my entire being.
I have access to divine knowledge, so I declare divine knowledge over my mind — knowledge over people’s situations, supernatural insight as to strongholds that are trying to come over my life and trying to create confusion.

I have that divine insight, intel, and discernment that comes from Holy Spirit because I am seated in heavenly places.

I am a royal priesthood.
That means I have authority in the name of Jesus. I’m not just saved, but I have authoritative divine power in the realm of the Spirit to make things on earth as it is in heaven.

Even though my default programming has been to rely on my emotions, my circumstances, how I feel, my lack, my health, anxiety, demonic attacks, people leaving, and opportunities not working, I no longer identify with those things because I am a royal priesthood, a co-heir with Christ, and a new creation.

Therefore, my life on earth looks drastically different than it used to look.

In the name of Jesus, I put off my mind and I put on the mind of Christ.
We have the mind of Christ.

I declare right now that I no longer struggle to hear from God, because the mind of Christ does not struggle to hear from the Lord.

I do not struggle with prophetic knowledge, because the mind of Christ does not struggle with prophetic knowledge.

So I put off my carnal mind, I separate it from my body, and I put on the righteous, glorious, pure mind of Christ.

When the Father looks at me, He sees purity.
When the Father looks at me, He sees His Son.

So right now, in the name of Jesus, I put on the mind of Christ.

I declare I can hear Holy Spirit.
I can hear the voice of the Father.
I can hear the voice of Jesus.
I can understand their personalities.
I can understand their unique identities.

Because it’s no longer my thoughts that are popping up, it is God’s thoughts and God’s voice that is speaking into my mind, not my own thoughts.

I am a new creation, and I declare that I will walk in that power and authority today.

We take dominion and power over every principality suffocating our minds and our hearts, tormenting us with memory of past sin, past trauma, and past cycles.

We take hold of that in the Spirit and submit it to the feet of Jesus and declare freedom and deliverance in Jesus’ name.

I tear down any carnal intellectual arguments about who we are in Christ in the Spirit.
I tear down the structures of intellectualism by walking in power and authority.

And though life is uncertain, I walk in a certainty that Jesus died and rose again, and His blood is completely washing over my being every minute of today.

I submit my emotions, how I feel, the cloud of doubt, and the fog of fear at the feet of Jesus, and I choose right now to no longer live from that paradigm.

In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I command my body and my soul to awaken to my new nature and to walk in that power and authority for the rest of the day.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

I Feel Like You Didn’t Do This

A Meditation to Meet Your Potential

ah so, the golden age returns. make sure to get headphones. and sit somewhere comfortable. this meditation will show you your full potential in Christ, where all of your possibilities reside.

The World Sees You How You See You Biblically Rich Girl Ep. 4

You're out here preparing someone else's wedding. Someone else is starting the business God told YOU to start and you're watching from the outside in. The gospel is sales — you show people where they're missing a fuller expression of life. But you can't do that without confidence in who God made you to be. Don't despise the day of small beginnings. To get 5 million views, you need 5!

WATCH HERE

On Spotify

On Yapple Poddy’s

Have the best weekend! !! ! !!!

☆ GM Text

☆ The beauty industry merger, the future is female so they say, the ai class divide

☆ Every relationship you have will reflect your relationship with yourself

☆ Daily Prayer (at the bottom bc it’s long like my + your money!)

The beauty industry merger, the future is female so they say, the ai class divide

• Beauty is consolidating at the top. Estée Lauder and Puig said they’re exploring a merger that could create a $40 billion luxury beauty group, with a stronger position in fragrance. The bigger story is that beauty brands are facing slower growth, pressure in China, and more intense competition, so scale is becoming the strategy.

• More Capital Is Starting to Reach Women-Owned Businesses. One of the most interesting money stories this month is a new IFC-backed initiative launching with about $100 million to lend to women-owned small businesses in the developing world. The loans are expected to average about $50,000, and the broader backdrop is a massive financing gap that hits women-owned firms especially hard.

• AI is creating a new class divide. The gap is no longer just rich and poor, but leveraged and unleveraged: people who know how to use AI to think faster, make better work, and multiply their judgment are starting to pull away from people still doing everything manually.

Every relationship you have will reflect your relationship with yourself and your relationship with yourself will always reflect

your relationship with God

Every relationship you have will reflect your relationship with yourself. And your relationship with yourself will always reflect your relationship with God.

People love to say that every relationship is a mirror of your relationship with yourself. And there’s truth to that. The way you cling, the way you perform, the way you shut down, that’s coming from somewhere inside you.

But most people stop there. They say “do the inner work” and leave it at that. I think that’s where it gets incomplete. Because who taught you what you were worth? Who taught you whether love had to be earned? Whether you could rest, or trust, or begin again?

That wasn’t just you. That was shaped by what you believe about God.

If you believe Jesus is kind, you stop calling chaos love. If you believe He is faithful, you stop panicking every time someone disappoints you. You stop begging people not to leave like they are your source. And if you believe He actually loves you, not in theory but for real, you stop settling for relationships that ask you to betray yourself to keep them.

Your relationship with yourself is the mirror. But God is the one who tells you what you’re looking at.

That’s why healing matters. Not so you can become obsessed with yourself. So you can let Jesus teach you what love actually feels like. And it feels safe. It feels honest.

Leave a comment

Pray us out?

THE NEW CREATION DECLARATION
2 Corinthians 5:17

If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!

Thank You, Jesus, that I am a new creation in Christ. Thank You that the old is gone, the new is here. I put on my new identity in Christ in the name of Jesus.

I make my body, my flesh, and my soul subject to who I am in the Spirit. I make it subject to who I am in my new nature.

The light of life lives inside of me.
The light of life lives inside of my atoms at a molecular level.
The Holy Spirit radiates out of me.

In Jesus’ name, I am a new creation.

⋆

I put off the old identity.
I put off the old self in which I’ve been programmed to believe that I am all my life.
I put it off and I put on the new self.
I put on the righteousness of God.

⋆

All memories, all traumas, and all sin cycles stop when I declare that I’m a new creation.
All sin cycles stop when I put on my new identity.
All sin cycles stop when I put on the robes of righteousness.
All sin cycles stop when I put on the helmet of salvation and the crown in which I rule from because I am seated in heavenly places.

I walk in power and authority in the name of Jesus.
I walk as a new creature.
It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.
In the Spirit, I am seated in heavenly places right now.

⋆

I am a co-heir in Christ. Everything in the Father’s house I have access to.

I have access to healing, and I declare healing over my body.
I have access to provision and finances, so I declare finances and provision to do the will of the Father.
I have access to health and wholeness in my body, so I declare health and wholeness over my entire being.
I have access to divine knowledge, so I declare divine knowledge over my mind — knowledge over people’s situations, supernatural insight as to strongholds that are trying to come over my life and trying to create confusion.

I have that divine insight, intel, and discernment that comes from Holy Spirit because I am seated in heavenly places.

⋆

I am a royal priesthood.
That means I have authority in the name of Jesus. I’m not just saved, but I have authoritative divine power in the realm of the Spirit to make things on earth as it is in heaven.

Even though my default programming has been to rely on my emotions, my circumstances, how I feel, my lack, my health, anxiety, demonic attacks, people leaving, and opportunities not working, I no longer identify with those things because I am a royal priesthood, a co-heir with Christ, and a new creation.

⋆

Therefore, my life on earth looks drastically different than it used to look.

In the name of Jesus, I put off my mind and I put on the mind of Christ.
We have the mind of Christ.

I declare right now that I no longer struggle to hear from God, because the mind of Christ does not struggle to hear from the Lord.

I do not struggle with prophetic knowledge, because the mind of Christ does not struggle with prophetic knowledge.

⋆

So I put off my carnal mind, I separate it from my body, and I put on the righteous, glorious, pure mind of Christ.

When the Father looks at me, He sees purity.
When the Father looks at me, He sees His Son.

So right now, in the name of Jesus, I put on the mind of Christ.

I declare I can hear Holy Spirit.
I can hear the voice of the Father.
I can hear the voice of Jesus.
I can understand their personalities.
I can understand their unique identities.

⋆

Because it’s no longer my thoughts that are popping up, it is God’s thoughts and God’s voice that is speaking into my mind, not my own thoughts.

I am a new creation, and I declare that I will walk in that power and authority today.

We take dominion and power over every principality suffocating our minds and our hearts, tormenting us with memory of past sin, past trauma, and past cycles.

We take hold of that in the Spirit and submit it to the feet of Jesus and declare freedom and deliverance in Jesus’ name.

⋆

I tear down any carnal intellectual arguments about who we are in Christ in the Spirit.
I tear down the structures of intellectualism by walking in power and authority.

And though life is uncertain, I walk in a certainty that Jesus died and rose again, and His blood is completely washing over my being every minute of today.

⋆

I submit my emotions, how I feel, the cloud of doubt, and the fog of fear at the feet of Jesus, and I choose right now to no longer live from that paradigm.

In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I command my body and my soul to awaken to my new nature and to walk in that power and authority for the rest of the day.

⋆

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

LOVE YOU have a good day byeeee xxxx

Your Daily Prayer

Remember that week we prayed the same prayer every day? This is one of those weeks!

Good morning Holy Spirit,

Holy Spirit I invite you into this day, thank you for loving me, for protecting me, and for showing me Jesus.

Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!

Baruch Hashem Adonai in Jesus name I pray, amen.

Four things that happen when you stop mistaking a tree for the forest because it’s easy to do and we could all use some nonchalant

1. You stop fearing variation.

Some trees are big. Some are small. Some are not much to look at at all.

2. Fallen leaves become a part of the process.

Leaves fall, and they grow again. And the same ones that grow again? They too fall. The serendipity is found the moment you realize the source of the leaf is within not only the tree before you, but any tree you encounter.

3. The path through may not exist yet.

And that is okay. A path can only be made by forging it after all.

4. You learn to experience it all together, all at once, without attaching yourself to a single one.

it’s all around you, what else will you do?

(This is not about trees or forests.)

Q: where has your perspective blown things out of proportion?

Leave a comment

LIZZOS WRITING A BOOK + MACRON

France is building more nuclear weapons for the first time in 30 years.

Macron gave the speech from inside a submarine base. he’s also offering to park French nuclear jets in allied countries. Germany, Poland, Denmark, Belgium, Greece, Sweden, and the Netherlands are all in talks. he won’t share the launch button with anyone. this is happening because Europe doesn’t trust that America will protect them anymore. Russia said it will aim its nukes at any country that hosts French ones. nobody blinked

say this: “France just announced it’s expanding its nuclear arsenal for the first time since 1992 and offering to station nuclear jets in 8 European countries. Europe is quietly building its own defense system because they don’t trust the US anymore. Russia said they’ll aim their nukes at anyone who hosts them.”

Lizzo is writing a children’s book.

it’s called Little Lizzo Meets Sasha B. Flute. she announced it on CBS Mornings. the book is about a young girl and her flute. Lizzo played the flute at the Grammys in 2023 and it became a whole thing. this feels like the right next chapter for her

beta-glucan is the ingredient to know right now. it comes from oats, yeast, and mushrooms.

it hydrates, calms redness, and strengthens your skin barrier. it’s less buzzy than retinol but derms say it works better for sensitive skin. it’s showing up in everything this month

say this: “if you have sensitive skin, look up beta-glucan. it comes from oats and mushrooms. it does what retinol does without irritating you.”

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LOVE YOU TODAY WILL B AWESOME!! X

Your Daily Prayer

Good morning Holy Spirit, thank you for another day. thank you that your mercies are new every morning. Thank you for all that you’ve set before me today.

Lord you are superior the angels you set to guard my every step. Thank you for protecting me, and guiding me, and showing me the path I should take.

God, show me how good it can get. Show me who you are. Show me your goodness. And when you do, God, do not let me be the one to ruin it. If I'm being honest, I know I have talked myself out of blessings before. God, do not let me overthink the good thing. Don't let me entertain people that I know I need to walk away from.

I plead the blood of Jesus over my mind, my thoughts, and my heart. Lord please turn my heart towards you this day. Thank you for hearing me, and that you always hear me, in Jesus name I pray,

Amen.

NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS

• over 1 million travelers are stranded with another 1,900 flights canceled across the Middle East. if you know anyone studying abroad or traveling in the region, check on them. the State Department is telling all Americans to leave immediately

• happy 29th birthday Camila Cabello lol these two bangers will forever be it

• the Bebot trend is all over BeautyTok. people are doing early-2000s Filipina baddie-inspired glam and posting transformation videos. think bold liner, glossy lips, heavy bronze

@abakasanteI actually did it right this time 🤣 #bebot #viraltrends #blackgirlmakeup @DanessaMyricksBeauty on the eyes honey!!

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@_vanessaanneDid I pass? 🧐 #bebot

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15 harsh truths about men that will save you so much wasted energy

Some of these might sting. All of them are real. The men God put to go to war for us, are actually pretty easy to understand.

1. A lot of men keep placeholder girlfriends.

He knows you’re not the one but the relationship is comfortable enough. His needs are met. He’s not lonely. And he’ll sit in that situation way longer than he should, until something forces a change or until he meets someone he genuinely can’t walk away from. Women who avoid this tend to be very clear about what they want and very unwilling to accept half-hearted effort.

2. Men categorize you fast.

Wife material, girlfriend material, just for fun. Once you’re in a category it rarely changes, and it gets set in those first few conversations based on the energy you bring and how he felt around you. Women tend to date someone’s potential. Men are more binary about it. You either fit or you don’t.

3. If he stopped trying in your relationship, he probably feels like he can’t win with you anymore.

When every attempt he makes gets met with correction or disappointment, eventually he just stops. Trying and failing repeatedly feels worse to him than doing nothing. He probably still loves you. He just doesn’t believe he can make you happy, and the more you manage or criticize him during that withdrawal the more you’re proving him right in his own head.

4. Doing more for him will not make him love you more.

I think this might be the biggest trap the girlies fall into. You think if you just give enough, anticipate enough, handle enough, he’ll eventually match your energy. But men don’t bond by watching you overextend yourself. They bond through their own contribution. When he does something for you and you genuinely appreciate it, that’s what creates connection for him. If you’re handling everything, there’s nothing for him to step into.

5. You gotta be strict.

Being able to walk all over you gets boring for a healthy man, and I mean that. He wants someone who has standards and won’t abandon them just because she likes him. That creates a kind of tension in the relationship where he respects you and knows he can’t get lazy. You can absolutely be soft and feminine and still have firm limits.

6. Men want to feel admired the way women want to feel adored.

When you genuinely see his strengths and recognize what he brings, he shows up differently. I know some women hear this and think “why do I have to stroke his ego?” but it’s not about that. It’s about understanding what makes masculine energy feel connected versus what makes it shut down. You can either work with that or fight against it.

7. Men are way more sensitive to criticism than they act.

Especially yours. Once you’re the woman he loves, your opinion of him carries more weight than anyone else’s. Even small things, a sigh, a look, a “why would you do it like that,” those land harder than you’d expect. You can still communicate and have boundaries. But how you deliver things matters.

8. Men regulate through action, not talking.

When he’s stressed his instinct is to go do something. Gym, drive, project, whatever. Women process through connection and conversation. Men process through movement and accomplishment. If you try to force him to talk when he’s overwhelmed you’ll probably make it worse. Let him go do his thing. He’ll come back calmer.

9. Men don’t fall for the most beautiful woman in the room.

They fall for the one who makes them feel like the best version of themselves. When he feels capable and respected around you, when he can tell you actually see him, that’s what locks him in long-term. You can be stunning and if he doesn’t feel good around you it won’t hold.

11. Men genuinely want to serve the women they love.

Helping, contributing, adding value to your life, that’s how they feel fulfilled in a relationship. But it only works when the effort is noticed and appreciated. When it goes ignored or gets picked apart, that desire fades.

12. In long-term relationships, men rarely walk out.

They quietly quit. He stops initiating. Becomes emotionally distant. Pours himself into work or hobbies instead. He’s technically there but he’s checked out. Men can sit in that pattern for a very long time. So if he’s pulling back pull back harder lol and leave.

13. When a man truly loves you, he becomes protective in ways he probably never mentions.

Checking your car. Making sure you got home. Noticing who’s around you when you’re out. Making sure you’ve eaten. Masculine love tends to show up in these quiet, consistent things more than in words.

14. Men fall in love through investing in you.

Every time he fixes something for you, helps you figure something out, carries something without being asked, he’s bonding deeper. Men become more attached the more they give. So when you wave him off and insist on handling everything yourself, you’re actually cutting off one of the main ways he connects to you. Letting him help, even with small stuff, matters more than you’d think.

Q: Which one didn’t you know self aware barbie?

Leave a comment

LOVE YOU xxxx

Your Daily Prayer

Good morning Holy Spirit, thank you for another day. thank you that your mercies are new every morning. Thank you for all that you’ve set before me today.

Lord you’ve spoken through your Son Jesus Christ, whom you appointed heir of all things, and through him also you’ve made the universe, Lord make my life the image of your dear son. Make this day a reflection of your glory oh God.

I plead the blood of Jesus over my mind, my thoughts, and my heart. Lord please turn my heart towards you this day. Thank you for hearing me, and that you always hear me, in Jesus name I pray,

Amen.

NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS

• Maersk, Hapag-Lloyd, and every major shipping company suspended routes through the Strait of Hormuz and Suez Canal. they’re rerouting around the entire continent of Africa instead. shipping delays + higher costs = stuff at Target and Sephora could take longer to restock and prices may creep up over the next few weeks

• our bb Justin Bieber turned 32 and posted a sweet photo with Hailey. that’s it. that’s the story. and somehow it’s comforting

• matchmaking services saw a 400% surge in Gen Z clients. dating apps are losing their grip. 40% of singles say they’re meeting people through run clubs, brunch gatherings, church communities, and creative collectives instead. the in-person pivot is real and the youth yearn for arranged marriages

The Subtle Art of Letting Life Be Easy how your nervous system pushes away what you want most

I’ve been sitting with this idea for a while. What if the reason your life feels so hard has nothing to do with effort?

What if you just stopped being able to let good things in somewhere along the way, and you didn’t even notice it happening?

Think about how you were raised. Good things come from hard work. Be helpful. Earn it.

Want rest? Finish everything first.

And maybe you watched the women around you live exactly like that. Your mom running on empty and never once questioning whether it had to be that way. You picked that up. I picked it up too. Now there’s this belief humming in the background of everything: if it came easy, it probably doesn’t count.

Your body has opinions about this

Honestly, I think this goes deeper than mindset. Your nervous system doesn’t care if you’re happy. It cares about what’s familiar.

Whatever got repeated enough in your life became your baseline, your body’s version of “normal.” And your system will fight to keep you there whether that normal is actually good for you or not.

If you grew up somewhere mostly stable, ease probably feels natural. Compliments land fine. Help doesn’t feel threatening. But if your environment had more emotional chaos, more unpredictability, more of that prove-yourself energy, that’s what got wired in instead. Your body learned to feel safe in the fixing and the staying-one-step-ahead. So when things get calm, your system doesn’t go “oh good.” It goes “why is it so quiet.”

And this doesn’t only come from childhood. A rough stretch in your twenties can rewire things just as fast. Your nervous system is always updating. Sometimes it updates toward stuff you never signed up for.

The thermostat thing

Gay Hendricks calls this “upper limits” and once someone explained it to me I couldn’t stop seeing it. Your nervous system works like a thermostat. It has a set temperature for how good life is allowed to feel, and when things go past that point, your system kicks in to cool things down. Not on purpose. It just does.

You meet someone emotionally available and instead of settling in you start overanalyzing their texts, looking for something wrong. You get a bonus and the money vanishes within a week on something you didn’t even want. Life gets quiet and nothing’s wrong and somehow that’s the part that makes you anxious. Your brain starts inventing problems just to have something to do.

I think this is the same thing that makes us yearn for a crush idk.

Even small things work the same way. Someone gives you a compliment and you change the subject. Someone offers to carry something and you insist on doing it yourself. Your body just isn’t comfortable with ease yet.

What’s been helping (from someone doin’ much better)

I’m not writing this from some finished, healed place. I’m still figuring this out. But here’s what I keep coming back to.

Gratitude, but not as a morning routine checkbox. More like the physical practice of pausing when something feels good and actually letting your body register it. The sun on your face. A good meal. You stop for a second and let it land. What you’re doing in that moment is telling your nervous system that good things happening to you is normal. Over time that nudges the thermostat setting up, slowly. Plus if you never thank God…..? What are we doing?

And then just letting people do stuff for you. Someone compliments you, you say thank you. You don’t explain why they’re wrong or deflect into a joke. Your partner offers to help with dinner, you say yes instead of waving them off. It feels small but every time you receive something without fighting it, you’re teaching your body that ease is allowed. That you don’t have to match every kindness with effort.

The other piece is learning to catch yourself when your system tries to pull you back down. Life starts going well, you feel that familiar anxiety creep in or you’re suddenly about to pick a fight over nothing. You pause and ask: is something actually wrong, or am I just hitting my ceiling? Usually nothing is wrong. And once you can name it, you can choose to sit in the good feeling a little longer than your body wants you to. Just a few extra minutes at first. Then a little longer next time.

There’s a part of your brain called the reticular activating system that filters reality based on what you already believe. If your story is “I have to earn everything,” your brain will literally skip past the easy opportunity. But shifting that story even a little, to something like “some things get to come to me without a fight,” starts changing what you notice. And sometimes that shift isn’t about becoming someone new. Sometimes it’s just about finding your way back to the version of you that existed before the world taught you to white-knuckle everything.

Try it this week. Let someone help you with something you could’ve handled alone. Sit in a good moment a little longer than feels natural. See what happens.

Q: When was the last time you let someone help you?

Leave a comment

LOVE YOU xxxx

Email Me

But what threw me and didn’t set me down was when my homegirl came with the same! Something is in the water and I’m here to take it out before it ruins all the fish in the sea for you.

This week’s column is a public service announcement. A little intervention if you will to make sure you don’t spend the next two months mentally moodboarding a man into your timeline, your prayer journal, and your 2026 vision board who won’t even see the end of next week. Get a hobby or something (with love).

Here’s how to know he’s just that into you:

1. He Tells You

2. He Shows You

3. He Tells You Again

hope this helps.

Share From Love Itself

Okay but seriously, it sounds simple, but it’s not.

(don’t forget to send me your wedding invites)

1. I am proud of what I did today because I used my and did what I wanted with it

2. I am very pretty and everything I think about me is true, positive, and amazing so my life is like that too

3. I am so generous and kind and open and loving

1. the book of Proverbs girl something about the air changing makes me not wanna be stupid

2. Reading I’ll Always Be With You by Monica Murphy and its beautiful

3. I mention this once ever few months because I can’t recommend it enough but this is the best packaged bone broth on the market bro so good spicy and just wow can’t say enough good things

4. A bit obsessed with having baby soft skin and this Vaesline lotion actually leaves my skin glowing on top of being soft for hours on hours

   1. my Nuface is also charging as I type this haven’t touched it in a minute but in the mood for cheekbones

   2. Speaking of cheekbones, I’ve heard nothing but good things about the Victoria Beckham beauty foundation drops

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1. Dating Is Not a Hobby, Stop Treating It Like One

Dating is not something you do just to fill time or because you think you're supposed to always have someone you're "talking to." It's not like collecting stamps or learning pottery or whatever hobby we’re doing now.

Where did we even get this idea that we need to constantly have someone in rotation? Like it's some kind of mandatory activity?

Unless you're actually building something real with someone, unless there's genuine connection and mutual excitement, you don't have to force it. You really don't.

All that energy you're spending on dry conversations and trying to decode "wyd" texts at 11 PM? That's energy you could be putting into becoming the version of yourself who naturally attracts the righttttt kind of love.

You know what happens when you focus on yourself instead of chasing breadcrumbs? You start operating from abundance instead of desperation. And babeee, abundance attracts abundance. That's when the Princess Diaries 2 magic happens.

Water meets its own level. You're going to meet the right person when you're doing the right things for yourself.

2. You Know If He Wants You Stop Playing Games

Let’s be so for real. You already know where you stand with him. That voice in your head isn't lying to you, and deep down in that place where you keep your real thoughts – not the "maybe if I just..." thoughts – you know exactly what's up.

I used to be the queen of this nonsense. If someone told me they weren't looking for anything serious, I took that as confirmation that they actually DID want something serious with me specifically. I just needed to do 600 backflips and rederive the original quadratic equation to prove it.

Do you know what that was? Not low self esteem. Not delusion. It was just disrespectful. To him AND to me.

When you don't believe what someone tells you about their intentions, you're not just disrespecting them, you're disrespecting yourself. You're saying your their words don't matter either. And if you can't respect your own boundaries, why would anyone else?

His feelings about you have absolutely nothing to do with your worth. Nothing. Your value isn't determined by whether one person can see it.

And honestly? Why would you want to spend your life trying to convince someone to choose you?

You want to sign up for a lifetime of proving your worth to someone who's already told you they're not sure about you? That's not love, that's a job interview that never ends at a company that doesn’t exist because his feelings for you don’t either. They’re employed elsewhere.

Leave that man alone. He told you what it is. Believe him.

3. Don't Let Loneliness Make Your Decisions (Your Future Self Will Thank You)

Fall can bring up all kinds of feelings about wanting someone to do cozy things with, and loneliness can make terrible decisions look reasonable. But when you make choices from "I better take what I can get before the holidays," you're inviting more scarcity into your life.

Those doubts that whisper in your ear at approximately 9:58PM? They're not you. The thoughts that say "maybe this is as good as it gets" or "maybe I'm asking for too much" or “maybe there’s no one for me” that's not your voice.

Don't give life to lies that tear down what you're trying to build.

Instead, speak the truth over your future. Yessss you're going to have love that feels peaceful. Yesssssss, you deserve someone who's certain about you. Yesssssss, there's a beautiful relationship waiting for you with someone who recognizes what a gift you are.

You're amazing, you're lovable, and you deserve someone who sees that clearly without you having to convince them. If you don't believe that yet, this season is your time to prove it to yourself.

The power of your words, both out loud and in your thoughts, matters more than you think. Don't speak against yourself.

Don't agree with thoughts that destroy what you want to see happen.

You love yourself by giving yourself the time, attention, and care you're trying to get from someone else. You prove you're worth dedication by dedicating to yourself. You show you're interesting by developing interests that light you up.

The Troo Focus

Focus on building a life you're genuinely excited about. Pick up that hobby, read that book, just try things. Become so busy becoming the best version of yourself that you don't have time to entertain people who don't know your value, because you literally don’t have time 20k steps takes like 3 hours bro, let alone.

And remember, the best way to love yourself is through your relationship with Jesus. He sees you, He loves you exactly as you are, and He'll teach you how to love yourself the way you deserve.

Don't let cuffing season be settle for nothing season. You're worth someone who's sure about you from the jump.

What's one thing you can start doing this week to show yourself the kind of love you want to receive?

Leave a comment

1. I can do it

2. I will do it

3. I deserve it

reading 📖: Things I Wanted to Say by Monica Murphy

eating 🥗: Bone Broth Season BB

playing 🎧: What a banger

obsessing 🤠: TEMI OTEDOLAS 3 WEDDINGSSS!!!!

recommending 💌: pick one thing to make your signature

treating 🌟: Girl of Now by Elie Saab

Good Fruit Smoothies

The Question Is Never "Can You" Do Something

Let me know if this sounds familiar: You create a plan that you know works. You start seeing results. Then, inexplicably, you begin adding exceptions, modifications, and "just this once" decisions that slowly erode everything you've built…

Read more

a year ago · 1 like · Zozo Shumba

Letter From Moi

You’re doing better than you think you are. Don’t let yourself shrink into a version of you that made you feel less than amazing, hot, beautiful, wonderful, and all the other beautiful things you are.

• Weekly Letter from Moi: If you’re chasing anything…stop. Like perfectionism, It’s embarrassing

• 4 Signs You’ve Outgrown Where You Are

• Affirmations of the week

• On the podcast(s!) + exciting announcement

• What I’m On

I used to do this a lot when my self-esteem was in the actual bin. I would pine after guys who literally didn't not only want me but didn't even acknowledge that I existed. And if they did know I existed, they did the bare minimum while taking the maximum.

I would try to make myself into someone they could respect so that hey, maybe they'd respect me and I'd get what I want—but it never actually ended up happening how I wanted it to. It never resulted in what I wanted it to result in.

When you force things, they force you to deal with the consequences.

What I was doing was forcing something that wasn't there. I was striving after something that, in all actuality, should just come to me. People are attracted to you based on your spirit—that's your personality, your vibe, your aura, whatever—but they stay because of who you are.

What are you chasing? Because whatever you're chasing is running away from you already. Hence why you're chasing it.

What you want, not just in your relationships, but in your health and wealth, is to have whatever you desire come to you by virtue of you being you. If the you that you are isn't bringing what you want to see—surprise, ding ding—you've got some work to do to become the you who naturally attracts those things.

Jesus wants the very best for you. There are things that are just yours. Only yours. And they'll wait for you. You won't have to chase them. At all.

What you do today matters most. Who you are today through your habits matters most.

You don't have to chase anything when you already have everything.

If I be lifted up I'll draw all men unto me—Jesus said that. Do you realize that with Jesus there's no chasing? People come to Him because He's living water and everyone's thirsty. He lives in you. That means everything should come to you.

Change how you look at yourself and your whole life will change, girlie.

4 Signs You’ve Outgrown Where You Are

It feels like you’re living someone else’s life

You know the feeling. You’re going about your regular routine when all of a sudden you have this moment of not déjà vu, but something close. You’re like, wait, this is still my life? That’s not exactly right. I’m sure things are about to change soon. That awareness is your main sign that things are about to shift massively for you.

You’re more excited for your future than intimidated by it

When you’re going through transition, the future can seem daunting. You can feel desperate for it and afraid of it all at once because of uncertainty, lack of confidence in your growth, and a plethora of other reasons. The moment the switch flips and all of a sudden you’re looking forward to what can be? Yeah. You’ve outgrown this level. You beat it. Congratulations. Exam passed. Lessons learned.

The past doesn’t illicit an emotional response from you anymore

You’re not holding onto unforgiveness. You’re not holding onto hurt, bitterness, trauma - nothing. There’s no residue. It’s like the wound(s) are healed and you’re free to go through life again, this time with a whole new set of experiences and the wisdom from the past ones.

You’re open to how good life can get (!)

You’re excited! You no longer wonder how good things can get or how they’ll become that way, but you’re grateful and open to the reality of that goodness. There’s no alternative. You don’t believe in regression anymore. You know for a fact that what’s ahead of you is better than anything that’s ever been behind you.

Onwards and upwards, beauty.

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I don't chase because I already have everything I need in Christ.

What’s meant for me was mine, is mine, and will forever be mine.

Only the best can come to me.

ICYMIIIIII

I launched a new podcast - your daily dose of not reaching your full potential fr 🥹💖

listen on spotify

listen on apple

listen on amazon

reading 📖: The Art of Power by Nancy Pelosi

eating 🥗: sauerkraut is changing my skin!!

playing 🎧: Afnan Khalifa’s yt I really like her

obsessing 🤠: dairy. milk. lattes.

recommending 💌: taking an extended break from your routine to reset !

treating 🌟: myself to a bracelet to commemorate the end of this eraaaa 🥹

That’s all for this week, and I love you

Zozo

I used to think if I just explained myself well enough, people would get it. That the right words would unlock some level of understanding where everyone just… treated me how I expected.

But what I’ve learned is, and let’s be so fr, your boundaries don’t have to be spoken to be heard. When the text rolls in at 11pm from someone who only remembers you when their first plans fall through, you don’t have to send a long paragraph. You can just… not reply.

When someone keeps showing up in a way that drains you, you don’t owe them a breakdown of why they’re too much. You being unavailable is enough. You’re not rejecting them, you’re choosing you.

Boundaries don’t always need a monologue, in fact, people who over explain themselves are usually 9/10 insecure people pleasers who feel like they owe you an explanation of their existence as grounds for you to validate it for them (because they have no other source of validation of the fact).

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is not respond, not explain, not overextend. Just move different. Quietly. Clearly.

People adjust. Or they disappear. Either way, your peace and skin is preserved.

The way you live and treat yourself will always reveal what you believe your worth is.

1. My brain can form new neural pathways with each challenge I embrace today.

2. When I take small breaks, I'm strengthening my focus and creativity.

3. By practicing gratitude, I'm activating positive neural circuits in my brain.

4. Each time I practice self-compassion, I'm rewiring my stress response.

5. My attention shapes my brain; today I choose to focus on growth.

Podcast Suggestion Box

reading 📖: Quicksilver by Callie Hart & still The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane

eating 🥗: My love for kouign amann’s is back and I’m not sorry about it

playing 🎧: Imole (it means light) by Sounds of Salem

obsessing 🤠: Vanilla Skin by Phlur !! Lasts longer than some EDPs I have and it’s a body spray

recommending 💌: My new personal assistant Manus AI <3

treating 🌟: myself to more of what I enjoy doing like dilly dallying

• Join us on Telegram for prayers, encouragement, and updates!

• My first devotional officially comes out April 7th!

Order Now

Love you to LIFEEEEEEE,

Zozo

I deleted all my dating apps before the pandemic. I realized I can't make decisions about my future, what's best for me, who's best for me, if I don't know where I'm going. And I can't guess where I'm going. The only person who knows where I'm going is the Holy Spirit. It is Jesus.

There's a difference between a girl who has a boyfriend and a girl whose whole identity is her relationship. In our age of social media, everyone wants the opposite of a hard launch. Everyone wants a soft launch.

the social currency trap

It feeds your dopamine receptors. Think of social capital like actual currency - but different. What really signals value today? It's freedom of time - actually being able to structure your day how you want. It's having access to exclusive events and spaces. It's who you know and who knows you. It's your follower count. It's your intellectual depth - can you actually share ideas that matter? These are the real currencies. And somehow, being in a relationship has become another form of this currency - but it's not supposed to be.

investing in yourself: the real p&l

What if you treated yourself like a business? It's like a P&L - a profit and loss statement. Every successful business knows exactly what they're investing in and why.

You need to have stock within yourself. You need to continually buy stock into yourself. But what does that actually look like?

How to Buy Stock in Yourself:

• Learning: Actually studying topics that matter (TO YOU + FUTURE YOU!)

• Education: Getting real knowledge that builds your future

• Hobbies: Tennis, cooking, photography - things that develop you

• Skills: Things that make you more capable

• Relationship with God: Your actual source of life

• Growth Friendships: People who push you higher

Not those surface-level friendships where you just gossip and do nothing productive. Those friendships won't do anything for you in the future. You can honor relationships you've had for a long time, but you need friendships that will open doors for you in the future.

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on surface level living

This is something 20-year-old me would not understand because I used to look at God as an accessory, this turbo launch button that could accelerate me on my own path of choosing.

the transformation

When that switch flipped in my brain, everything about my life changed:

• Became more radiant

• Became more beautiful

• My energy became more magnetic

• Started getting more attention than when I was trying to get attention

And the gag is I don't care! Unlike before, my internal world will always be my focus.

the bottom line

You are your single greatest asset. Your life will look how you want it to look if you invest in yourself. Today.

Cheers to letting God be our valentine. Cheers to letting Jesus choose the course of our life. Cheers to the love that He shows us. Cheers to the love that we're able to show because of the love He shows us. Cheers to never running dry. Our cups will never be empty.

May the entire dating app market d*ie a slow death lol.

It was February 13th. The city was that particular shade of winter gray that feels less like a color and more like an absence of something. In a Vietnamese restaurant on Second Avenue, between spoonfuls of pho, my boyfriend told me about the other woman. The steam from the bowl fogged up my glasses, and I remember thinking how convenient that was, like the universe offering me a moment of soft focus when I needed it most.

The next morning, I woke up to a city transformed by commercial love. Red hearts in windows, pink balloons straining against ribbon constraints, roses wrapped in plastic wilting glamorously in deli buckets. Everything felt garish and perfect in its artificiality. Like a stage set for someone else's romance.

I bought myself Vosges truffles that day. Not the small box. The ridiculous one, the one I'd always looked at and thought "who buys that?" Purple and gold, heavy as a book of poems. The saleswoman wrapped it in paper the color of wine, and for a moment I thought about all the ways we package love, try to make it presentable.

In my apartment, I lined the truffles up on a white plate. Madagascar vanilla, Hungarian honey, Tuscan olive oil. Each one a tiny world of flavor, a passport to somewhere I'd never been. I ate them slowly, reading Neruda's love sonnets out loud to my empty living room. Not because I was sad, but because beautiful words deserve to be heard, even when there's no one there to listen.

That's when I understood something about love and its artifacts. How we create ritual from routine, meaning from mundane moments. How a heart-shaped box of candy isn't about the candy at all, but about the way we learn to hold sweetness on our tongues when we need it most.

Years later, I still buy myself those truffles every Valentine's Day. Even now, when I share them with someone who knows how to love me better. We sit on the floor of our apartment, trading pieces like secrets. Hungarian honey for Argentinian dulce de leche. Barcelona sea salt for Provence lavender. A map of the world in chocolate and trust.

Some people call Valentine's Day commercial, artificial, forced. They're not wrong. But so is fiction, and we still find truth in it. So is poetry, and it still breaks us open. So is any ritual we create to make meaning out of time passing, to mark the moments when we choose love over fear, abundance over scarcity, beginning over ending.

This morning, I passed that same Vietnamese restaurant. New owners now, different soup. But every February, I think about that girl with the foggy glasses, not knowing she was about to learn something about love that no one could teach her. How sometimes the heart has to break to let the light in. How healing often looks like buying yourself the expensive chocolate and not saving it for a special occasion. How love, like writing, is mostly about paying attention to the details others miss.

Tonight, I'll make heart-shaped pancakes for dinner, not because tradition demands it, but because there's poetry in breakfast at night, in breaking rules that don't matter, in finding whimsy in the midst of winter. I'll probably set off the smoke alarm. The first pancake will be misshapen, more abstract expressionism than heart. But that's the thing about love – it rarely looks the way we think it should. The trick is learning to see the beauty in what it actually is.

But then there's daddy's girls, obviously. That's like, her hero. And then I guess now - like, I didn't even know about this - it's called like, a husband's girl. Like, he's like, the go-to.

(TikTok)

Isn't that like, not really what it's supposed to be? But I don't know. It just had me thinking because you know what? I think that's what I am because like, even now that I'm like, super single (okay? I'm like, whispering), but like, everything they're describing? Like, I am a true husband's girl.

Like, I will literally be obsessed with them, and that's why my standards are so high. Because:

1. It takes a lot for me to respect someone

2. You have to be sent by God

3. You have to be, because you'll do real life if you're not sent by God

And if you derail my life, you'll derail my children's life. And that just seems like enumeration of a problem that could have been avoided.

So like, I have already like, a very high bar of respect. This person, I know the right person is gonna fill it.

Just got me thinking - like, don't be a boyfriend's girl. Be a husband's girl. Because what you really want at the end of the day? Biologically, women are wired to want partnership, a real partnership, and if you want that partnership under the covering of sin? Like, girl, of course you're gonna be miserable. Of course things aren't gonna work for you. Of course it's gonna be like half of what you could be experiencing under covenant.

Like, you think marriage is just like a fun idea? There's spiritual benefit to it. Hello.

So like, I don't know. Are you a husband's girl? I think I'm a husband's girl. Yeah.

Or sat through brunch feeling like you're speaking a different language when you talk about what's been exciting you? Yeah, me too.

It's that moment when you realize some friendships feel more like a comfortable habit than a genuine connection. And while there's nothing wrong with friends who knew you during your still-figuring-out-who-you-are phase, sometimes you need people who know where you're trying to go.

Your vibe shifts when your circle does. It's not about dropping people or being too good for anyone - it's about finding the friends who light up when you talk about your goals, who send you podcast episodes that change your life, who pray for you without you asking.

The Signs You're Ready for New Friends:

• You filter yourself in the group chat

• Your growth feels lonely

• You're tired of explaining why you care about certain things

• Nobody gets excited about your wins

Finding your people isn't about fancy networking events or forced connections. It's about being honest about who you are and what you care about.

Finding Your Circle:

• Join that book club you've been stalking

• Actually DM that girl whose content inspires you

• Show up to church events solo

• Take the workout class that intimidates you

• Say yes to the coffee date with a friend of a friend

The Types of Friends You Need:

• The one who's a few steps ahead and pulls you up

• The one who's right beside you, grinding toward similar goals

• The one who keeps you grounded and remembers your roots

• The one who challenges your thinking (in a good way)

On Keeping Old Friends: You don't have to cut people off just because your paths look different. Some friends are for different seasons, and that's okay. You can love them, cherish the memories, and still create space for new connections.

Making Space for Growth:

• Be the friend you want to find

• Share your actual dreams (not the watered-down versions)

• Create spaces for real conversation

• Check your heart when you feel resistance

• Pray about your friendships (yes, really)

The thing about finding friends who get it? They're probably looking for you too. They're at church, hoping to connect with other girls that get it. They're at that workout class, wondering if anyone else there wants more than just a sweat session.

Your circle doesn't have to be huge. Sometimes it's just one or two people who make you feel seen, who get your references, who understand why you're saving for that conference or taking that class.

The right friends won't make you explain why you're choosing a different path. They'll just ask what snacks to bring for the journey.

This year’s (month’s?) marriage mart has officially closed. Like any great season, it’s left us with lessons, revelations, and a little more clarity than we had before.

What follows is a collection of wisdom God shown me about dating, engagement, and everything that comes after. This isn’t here to entertain—it’s here because I know firsthand how painful relationship mistakes can be. The reality? We don’t always do better because we don’t always know better. We’re all just doing our best with what we’ve got.

But here’s the thing: these principles aren’t just advice—they’re a framework. Follow them, and they’ll guide you toward what you truly want. Your desires are real, natural, and intentionally placed in you by God. So let this be a reminder: don’t settle. Not for less than you deserve, not for less than who you are, and not for less than who you’re becoming.

An End-All-Be-All List to Let Love Find You When It’s Ready

You attract what you do—for better or for worse girl.

Recap of the Rules

1. Maintain Your Independence: Keep your own life, interests, and career active. Men are more attracted to women who have their own goals and aren’t entirely dependent on the relationship for fulfillment.

2. Respect Yourself: Always carry yourself with dignity and self-respect. This will command respect from men and help maintain their interest in you.

3. Be a Challenge: Don’t make yourself too available or too easy to win over. Men appreciate a challenge, and it’s important to pace the relationship to keep them engaged.

4. Don’t Overwhelm Him: Give men space and time alone when needed. Avoid being too clingy or emotionally overwhelming, as this can push them away.

5. Pace the Relationship: Control the speed of the relationship, especially in the early stages. Don’t rush into things like moving in together or discussing marriage too soon.

6. Reveal Yourself Gradually: Maintain a sense of mystery by revealing personal information slowly over time. This keeps a man intrigued and interested in getting to know you more deeply.

7. Avoid Dumping Emotional Baggage Too Soon: Don’t share all your past traumas or relationship issues too early in the relationship. Men may find it overwhelming and might retreat.

8. Focus on Femininity: Emphasize your feminine qualities through your appearance and behavior. Men are often attracted to women who project femininity.

9. Be Polite and Courteous: Practice good manners, such as saying “please” and “thank you.” Men appreciate women who are polite and respectful in their interactions.

10. Don’t Pursue Him: Let the man take the lead in pursuing the relationship. If you chase him, it might diminish his interest and sense of achievement.

11. Keep Conversations Balanced: Avoid dominating conversations or talking excessively about yourself. Encourage him to share and actively listen to what he has to say.

12. Dress to Project Your Femininity: Pay attention to how you dress, as men often respond to visual cues. Dressing in a way that emphasizes your femininity can increase your attractiveness.

13. Be Confident but Not Overbearing: Confidence is attractive, but it’s important not to come across as domineering or too assertive in the relationship.

14. Practice Meekness and Humility: Even if you are successful or powerful, balancing these traits with meekness and humility can make you more appealing to men.

15. Respect His Privacy and Space: Understand that men value their privacy and alone time. Respecting this need can strengthen the relationship.

16. Learn to Say No Nicely: Don’t feel obligated to accept every invitation or agree to everything he suggests. Saying no politely can help maintain boundaries and respect.

17. Understand the Importance of Respect: Men need to feel respected in a relationship, so focus on showing respect rather than constantly trying to prove your love.

18. Use Subtle Flirtation: Instead of being overly aggressive, use subtle cues to show your interest. This can be more effective in keeping a man’s attention.

19. Be Adaptable but Maintain Boundaries: Be flexible and adaptable in the relationship, but don’t compromise on your core values or boundaries.

20. Don’t Make Him Your Whole World: While it’s important to care for your partner, don’t make him the center of your universe. Maintain your own identity and interests.

21. Show Vulnerability: Men often want to protect and care for women who show vulnerability. Don’t be afraid to let your softer side show.

22. Avoid Comparing Him to Others: Never compare your man to other men or previous relationships, as this can create insecurity and resentment.

23. Let Him Lead in Commitment: Allow the man to take the lead in moving the relationship toward commitment, such as engagement or marriage.

24. Balance Familiarity with Novelty: Keep the relationship exciting by balancing familiar routines with occasional surprises or new experiences.

25. Be Selective About Sharing: Don’t overshare too quickly. Gradually opening up as trust builds can help deepen the connection without overwhelming him.

26. Use Positive Reinforcement: Encourage the behaviors you like by acknowledging and appreciating them. Positive reinforcement can strengthen desired actions.

27. Stay True to Your Values: Maintain your personal values and standards, even when in a relationship. Men are more likely to respect a woman who stands firm on her principles.

28. Understand the Power of Patience: Be patient in the relationship and allow it to develop naturally. Rushing things can lead to unnecessary pressure and stress.

29. Don’t Try to Change Him: Accept the man for who he is rather than trying to change him. Men are more likely to stay committed when they feel accepted as they are.

30. Show Interest in His Interests: Take the time to learn about and engage with his hobbies and interests. This can help build a deeper connection.

31. Learn to Walk Away from a Dead-End Relationship: If a relationship isn't going anywhere or isn’t fulfilling, it’s important to recognize when to move on rather than holding on to false hope.

32. Don't Play Mind Games: While maintaining mystery is important, avoid manipulative behaviors or mind games, as these can backfire and erode trust.

33. Don’t Reveal All Your Plans: Keep some aspects of your future plans or desires private until the relationship reaches a more secure stage. This can prevent unnecessary pressure.

34. Stay Positive and Optimistic: A positive attitude can be very attractive. Men are drawn to women who exude optimism and a sense of well-being.

35. Be Selective About Complaints: If something bothers you in the relationship, choose your battles wisely. Constant complaining can drive a wedge between you and your partner.

36. Don’t Overcommit Too Soon: Avoid making major commitments early in the relationship, like moving in together or merging finances, until you’re sure of the relationship’s direction.

37. Stay Informed and Educated: Being knowledgeable and well-read can be attractive, but balance it with humility and openness in discussions with your partner.

38. Be Grateful and Show Appreciation: Regularly express gratitude for the things your partner does for you. This can reinforce positive behavior and strengthen your bond.

39. Avoid Oversharing on Social Media: Keep your relationship details off social media, especially during the early stages. Publicizing everything can add unnecessary pressure.

40. Don’t Make Assumptions: Communicate openly with your partner rather than assuming you know what he’s thinking or feeling. This can prevent misunderstandings.

41. Understand His Love Language: Learn what makes your partner feel loved and appreciated, whether it’s words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, or physical touch.

42. Balance Your Time: While it’s important to spend time together, make sure you also spend time apart, nurturing other relationships and hobbies.

43. Embrace Your Unique Qualities: Be yourself rather than trying to fit into what you think he wants. Authenticity is more attractive than trying to be someone you’re not.

44. Be Honest About Your Intentions: If you’re looking for a serious relationship, be clear about your intentions. This helps to ensure that both partners are on the same page.

45. Don’t Sacrifice Your Goals for the Relationship: Continue to pursue your personal and professional goals. A good partner will support your ambitions.

46. Be Patient with His Growth: Understand that personal growth takes time, and be patient with your partner’s development in the relationship.

47. Avoid Ultimatums: Instead of issuing ultimatums, try to have open and honest conversations about your needs and expectations.

48. Support His Dreams: Show interest in and support your partner’s dreams and ambitions, just as you would want him to support yours.

49. Be Mindful of Your Tone and Delivery: How you say things can be just as important as what you say. Use a gentle tone when discussing sensitive topics.

50. Invest in Yourself: Continuously work on your personal growth, whether through education, hobbies, or self-care. This not only benefits you but also keeps the relationship vibrant.

51. Be Flexible and Open to Compromise: Relationships require give and take. Being willing to compromise can help resolve conflicts and strengthen your partnership.

52. Trust Your Instincts: If something doesn’t feel right in the relationship, trust your instincts and address the issue directly rather than ignoring it.

53. Know When to Take a Break: If the relationship is becoming too intense or overwhelming, it’s okay to take a step back and reassess your feelings and the direction you want to go.

54. Prioritize Mutual Respect: Ensure that respect is a cornerstone of your relationship, both in how you treat your partner and how you expect to be treated.

55. Celebrate Small Wins Together: Acknowledge and celebrate the small successes in your relationship, which can help build a stronger connection.

56. Practice Emotional Intelligence: Understand and manage your emotions and be aware of your partner's emotional state. This can help you navigate challenges more effectively and maintain harmony in the relationship.

57. Stay True to Your Boundaries: While compromise is important, don’t sacrifice your core boundaries and values for the sake of the relationship. This ensures you maintain your self-respect and the respect of your partner.

58. Reflect on Your Own Patterns: Take time to reflect on your past relationships and recognize any patterns in behavior that may need adjusting. Self-awareness can lead to healthier future relationships.

59. Invest in Mutual Growth: Encourage growth not just individually but also as a couple. Engage in activities that allow both partners to develop together, such as learning new skills or pursuing shared goals.

60. Be Consistent in Your Actions: Consistency in behavior and actions builds trust. Make sure your words align with your actions to reinforce stability in the relationship.

61. Avoid Comparing Your Relationship to Others: Every relationship is unique, so avoid comparing yours to others. Focus on what works best for you and your partner.

62. Communicate Your Needs Clearly: While it’s important to be patient and understanding, don’t shy away from clearly communicating your needs and desires in the relationship.

63. Adapt to Change Together: Be willing to adapt as life circumstances change, and work together with your partner to navigate these changes.

64. Understand the Importance of Timing: Timing can be crucial in relationships. Recognize when it’s the right time to discuss serious topics or make important decisions.

65. Celebrate Your Partner’s Successes: Show genuine happiness and pride in your partner’s achievements, as this strengthens the bond and fosters mutual support.

66. Balance Emotional Availability: Be emotionally available, but also respect your partner's need for space. Finding this balance helps maintain a healthy dynamic.

67. Show Empathy and Understanding: When conflicts arise, try to understand your partner’s perspective and show empathy. This can help resolve issues more constructively.

68. Be Prepared to Walk Away if Necessary: Know your worth and be prepared to leave a relationship if it’s no longer serving your well-being or happiness. It’s better to be single than in an unhealthy relationship.

69. Maintain a Sense of Humor: Laughter and a light-hearted approach can sometimes ease tensions and bring you closer together. Don’t underestimate the power of humor in a relationship.

70. Don’t Lose Yourself in the Relationship: Keep nurturing your individuality. It’s essential to remain connected to who you are, even as you grow closer to your partner.

71. Understand His Triggers: Recognize what might trigger negative reactions in your partner, whether it’s certain topics, behaviors, or pressures, and navigate those areas with care.

72. Encourage Open Communication: Foster an environment where your partner feels safe to express his thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or reprisal.

73. Be Mindful of His Boundaries: Just as you have your own boundaries, be aware of and respect your partner’s limits, whether emotional, physical, or psychological.

74. Support His Independence: Just as you value your independence, support his need for time alone or with his friends, understanding that a healthy relationship includes space for individual activities.

75. Don’t Try to Fix Everything: If your partner is dealing with an issue, sometimes he might just want to vent rather than receive advice or solutions. Be there to listen, not necessarily to fix.

76. Show Interest in His Passions: Even if you don’t share the same hobbies, showing interest in his passions can strengthen your bond and demonstrate your support.

77. Encourage Mutual Growth: Engage in activities or discussions that allow both of you to grow together, whether through learning, travel, or shared experiences.

78. Be Aware of Financial Dynamics: Understand that financial matters can be a sensitive topic. Approach discussions about money with care, especially if there are significant differences in income or spending habits.

79. Recognize When to Compromise: Know when it’s important to stand firm and when it’s better to compromise for the sake of harmony in the relationship.

80. Stay Calm in Conflicts: During disagreements, maintaining a calm demeanor can help de-escalate tensions and lead to more productive discussions.

81. Balance Emotional Expression: While it’s important to express your feelings, balance is key. Avoid overwhelming your partner with too much emotional intensity all at once.

82. Be Flexible with Expectations: Understand that life and relationships don’t always go as planned. Being flexible with your expectations can help you navigate challenges more smoothly.

83. Understand the Power of Silence: Sometimes, saying nothing can be more powerful than any words. Learn when to use silence effectively in conversations or conflicts.

84. Celebrate the Small Things: Don’t wait for big milestones to show appreciation. Celebrate the small victories and moments in your relationship to keep the connection strong.

85. Invest in Emotional Intelligence: Continually work on understanding both your emotions and those of your partner. This can help you navigate the ups and downs of the relationship more effectively.

86. Recognize the Importance of Timing: Timing can be everything in a relationship. Recognize when it’s the right time to discuss serious matters or when to simply enjoy each other’s company.

87. Be Mindful of Power Dynamics: In some relationships, there might be an imbalance of power due to differences in age, experience, or finances. Be aware of this and strive for balance.

88. Offer Genuine Apologies: When conflicts arise, be willing to apologize genuinely if you’ve made a mistake. This can go a long way in maintaining respect and harmony.

89. Avoid Ultimatums: Instead of issuing ultimatums, work towards finding common ground through open dialogue and mutual understanding.

90. Encourage a Healthy Lifestyle: Support each other in maintaining a healthy lifestyle, whether through diet, exercise, or mental well-being. This can strengthen both your relationship and your individual health.

91. Be Prepared for Life’s Changes: Life circumstances can change, and it’s important to be adaptable. Whether it’s a career change, a move, or family dynamics, being prepared can help you navigate these transitions together.

92. Show Gratitude Regularly: Expressing gratitude for the little things your partner does can strengthen the relationship and make both of you feel appreciated.

93. Understand His Love Language: Learn how your partner expresses and receives love, and try to meet him in his love language, whether it’s through words, actions, or physical touch.

94. Be Open to Learning: Relationships are a continual learning process. Be open to learning more about yourself, your partner, and how you can improve together.

95. Build a Strong Foundation of Trust: Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. Focus on building and maintaining trust through honesty, integrity, and consistency.

96. Learn to Read Between the Lines: Sometimes men may not express their needs or concerns directly. Pay attention to subtle cues and body language to better understand his feelings.

97. Encourage His Individuality: Support your partner in pursuing his individual interests and passions, even if they differ from your own.

98. Avoid Making Assumptions: Instead of assuming you know what he wants or feels, ask open-ended questions to better understand his perspective.

99. Be Mindful of Financial Expectations: Financial dynamics can be sensitive. Approach discussions about money with understanding and openness, ensuring both partners feel comfortable.

100. Create Shared Goals: Work together to set and pursue common goals, whether they are related to finances, lifestyle, or future plans. This can strengthen your bond and create a sense of partnership.

101. Maintain a Healthy Balance of Power: Ensure that both partners feel empowered and respected in the relationship, avoiding situations where one partner dominates or controls the other.

102. Recognize the Value of Emotional Support: Men may not always seek emotional support, but providing it when needed can strengthen your relationship and build deeper trust.

103. Be Aware of His Social Circle’s Influence: Recognize that a man’s friends and social circle can influence his behavior and decisions in a relationship. Understanding this dynamic can help navigate potential challenges.

104. Cultivate Mutual Respect: Mutual respect is fundamental to any healthy relationship. Ensure that both partners feel respected and valued for who they are.

105. Understand the Importance of Consistency: Being consistent in your actions, words, and behavior helps build trust and reliability in the relationship.

106. Be Patient with Growth and Change: Both partners will grow and change over time. Patience and understanding during these phases can help maintain a strong relationship.

107. Communicate Clearly and Effectively: Open, honest, and clear communication is key to resolving conflicts and building a strong foundation.

BONUS: What You Need to Know About ✨Men✨

We spent the whole time focusing on you. But what about them? Disclaimer: We love men. Society would crumble without them lifting heavy things, holding stuff for us (including the seed that keeps humanity going), and doing boy jobs.

1. Men as Hunters: Men are naturally inclined to pursue and value a challenge. Women should not chase men, as it diminishes their interest and attraction. Instead, women should allow men to pursue them.

2. Respect vs. Love: In relationships, men prioritize respect over love, while women often focus on love. Women should show respect to maintain a man's interest and commitment.

3. Pacing the Relationship: Women should control the pace of the relationship, particularly in the early stages. This includes not being too available and allowing the man to lead in significant decisions like engagement or marriage.

4. Avoiding Overwhelm: Men need space and can feel overwhelmed if a woman is too clingy or demanding. Women should give men space to process their feelings and thoughts.

5. Vulnerability and Femininity: Despite being successful or powerful, women should maintain their femininity and vulnerability, as these qualities attract men and make them feel protective.

6. The Power of Meekness: Women who combine power and meekness are highly attractive to men, as men do not expect this combination and are often drawn to it.

7. Men's Need for Space: Women should understand that men need space and should not overwhelm them with constant attention or demands.

8. Men are naturally hunters: They value the pursuit and enjoy the challenge of winning over a woman.

9. Men lose interest when chased: If a woman pursues a man, it diminishes his interest and attraction.

10. Men prioritize respect over love: While women often focus on love, men need respect in a relationship to feel valued and committed.

11. Men are drawn to mystery: They are more interested in women who reveal themselves gradually and maintain an air of mystery.

12. Men love a challenge: They are more attracted to women who are not easily attainable and who maintain boundaries.

13. Men get bored easily: They may lose interest if the relationship progresses too quickly or if they do not feel challenged.

14. Men love privacy and space: They need time alone and may find chatty or overly attached women overwhelming.

15. Men propose when they fear losing you: They are more likely to commit when they feel there is a risk of losing the woman.

16. Men are irrational in love: They may overlook flaws and be captivated by a woman they are in love with, even if her behavior is not ideal.

17. Men fall in love faster but also fall out of love faster: Their emotions can be intense initially but may wane if not properly nurtured.

18. Men prefer independent women: They are more attracted to women who have their own lives, careers, and interests.

19. Men dislike being overwhelmed: They prefer relationships where they are not constantly pursued or pressured by the woman.

20. Men are irrational in love: They may overlook flaws and be captivated by a woman they are in love with, even if her behavior is not ideal.

21. Men like neat and clean women: Hygiene and personal care are important to them, and they are turned off by women who are not well-groomed.

22. Men like women who project femininity: They prefer women who dress and behave in ways that emphasize their femininity.

23. Men do not like change: They are resistant to being forced or manipulated into changing by a woman.

24. Men want women who are a little unattainable: They tend to value women who don't immediately say yes to everything and who set boundaries.

25. Men are conquerors by nature: They enjoy the feeling of achieving something that wasn't easily given to them.

26. Men don't like women who impose on them: They prefer women who respect their boundaries and don't try to control or change them.

27. Men may be frightened by powerful women: They may feel intimidated by women who are very wealthy or influential but will be attracted if these women show meekness and humility.

28. Men do not marry girlfriend material: When ready to marry, men seek women they see as wife material, not someone who is just for casual relationships.

29. Men want something they can protect: They are drawn to women who display vulnerability and softness.

30. Men change because they want to, not because they are forced: A man will make changes in his behavior when he decides to, not because a woman imposes them on him.

31. Men are drawn to women who don’t chase them: They are more likely to commit to a woman who does not pursue them and maintains her own life.

32. Men are driven by the need to conquer: This includes relationships, where they enjoy the challenge of winning over a woman.

33. Men value exclusivity: They are more serious about a relationship when they feel that the woman is not easily available to others.

34. Men dislike feeling trapped: They prefer relationships where they feel free to make their own decisions without pressure.

35. Men are irrational in love: They may overlook flaws and be captivated by a woman they are in love with, even if her behavior is not ideal.

36. Men are naturally hunters: They enjoy the challenge of pursuing and capturing, much like a hunter with prey.

37. Men lose interest when chased: A woman pursuing a man removes the challenge and makes him lose interest.

38. Men prioritize respect over love: While women often seek love, men need respect to feel valued in a relationship.

39. Men love a challenge: They are attracted to women who are not easily attainable and who set boundaries.

40. Men get bored easily: Men may lose interest quickly if the relationship progresses too fast or becomes too easy.

41. Men love privacy and space: They need time alone and may feel overwhelmed by women who are overly talkative or clingy.

42. Men propose when they fear losing you: Commitment often comes when men feel there is a real risk of losing the woman.

43. Men are irrational in love: They may find flaws in a woman endearing when they are in love, but this can change if the relationship becomes stagnant.

44. Men fall in love faster but also fall out of love faster: They can be very intense initially but may lose interest if not challenged.

45. Men prefer independent women: Independence and having one's own life and interests make a woman more attractive to men.

46. Men dislike being overwhelmed: Too much attention or pressure from a woman can push a man away.

47. Men like neat and clean women: Hygiene and grooming are important, and men are turned off by women who are not well-maintained.

48. Men like women who project femininity: They prefer women who emphasize their feminine qualities through their appearance and behavior.

49. Men do not like change: They resist being forced to change by their partners and prefer women who accept them as they are.

50. Men want women who are a little unattainable: They value women who don't immediately agree to everything and who maintain some distance.

51. Men are conquerors by nature: They enjoy the process of winning over a woman and prefer relationships where they feel they've "earned" the woman’s affection.

52. Men don't like women who impose on them: Women who try to control or change a man are likely to push him away.

53. Men may be frightened by powerful women: Wealthy or influential women can intimidate men, but meekness and humility can counterbalance this.

54. Men do not marry girlfriend material: When it comes to marriage, men seek women they see as wife material, not just casual partners.

55. Men want something they can protect: They are drawn to women who show vulnerability and who need their protection.

56. Men change because they want to, not because they are forced: A man will make changes in his behavior only if he decides to do so on his own.

57. Men are drawn to women who don’t chase them: Men prefer to pursue rather than be pursued and are more likely to commit to women who maintain their independence.

58. Men value exclusivity: They take relationships more seriously when they feel that the woman is not easily available to others.

59. Men dislike feeling trapped: They prefer relationships where they feel free and unpressured.

60. Men are irrational in love: They may overlook flaws and be captivated by a woman they are in love with, even if her behavior is not ideal.

61. Men like to see their partner in traditional feminine roles: Men often appreciate when women dress and behave in a way that emphasizes traditional femininity.

62. Men are more visual than verbal in love: They are more likely to fall in love based on what they see, rather than what they hear.

63. Men do not want to be overwhelmed by a woman’s emotional baggage: Dumping too much emotional information early on can scare men away.

64. Men like women who are confident and self-assured: A woman who carries herself with grace and confidence is more attractive to men.

65. Men dislike women who dominate conversations: A woman who talks too much or shares too much too soon can be off-putting to men.

66. Men appreciate women who maintain mystery: They are drawn to women who reveal themselves slowly over time.

67. Men often prefer long hair on women: Traditional notions of femininity, such as long hair, are often more attractive to men.

68. Men do not like women who are too forward or aggressive: Forward behavior can make men feel less challenged and more likely to lose interest.

69. Men like to feel they are the decision-makers in relationships: They prefer to be the ones leading the relationship, including initiating important steps like engagement.

70. Men are competitive by nature: They thrive on challenges and may lose interest in a relationship that feels too easy.

71. Men can be intimidated by women who are too successful or powerful: Success and power in a woman can be intimidating, but men appreciate it if these traits are balanced with humility.

72. Men may value a woman’s relationship with her family: How a woman speaks about and interacts with her family can influence a man’s perception of her.

73. Men appreciate politeness and good manners: Women who are polite and respectful in their interactions are more likely to attract and keep a man’s interest.

74. Men value a woman’s self-respect: A woman who respects herself is more likely to command respect from a man.

75. Men are less likely to change after marriage: A man’s behavior and habits are unlikely to change significantly after marriage, so it’s important to accept him as he is.

76. Men are more likely to take a relationship seriously if they feel challenged: If a woman doesn’t make things too easy, men are more likely to be serious about the relationship.

77. Men are unlikely to commit if they feel the woman is too eager: Eagerness and desperation can push men away.

78. Men are likely to move away from women who are too available: Availability at all times can make men feel less interested.

79. Men can get angry if they feel they are being manipulated: Trying to manipulate or control a man can lead to frustration and the eventual end of the relationship.

80. Men value women who maintain their own lives and interests: Men are more attracted to women who have their own careers, hobbies, and social circles.

81. Men are likely to respect a woman who has clear boundaries: Setting and maintaining boundaries can earn a man’s respect and keep his interest.

82. Men may test a woman’s boundaries to see if she is serious: Men might push boundaries to test how firm a woman is in her convictions.

83. Men appreciate women who are calm and composed: A calm demeanor, especially in challenging situations, is attractive to men.

84. Men are likely to take a woman for granted if she is too available: Over-availability can lead men to undervalue the relationship.

85. Men value a woman’s ability to maintain her own social life: Having friends and social activities outside the relationship makes a woman more attractive.

86. Men don’t like being questioned or pressured about marriage: Bringing up marriage too soon can make men feel pressured and push them away.

87. Men are likely to propose when they see a future with the woman: Men need to envision a future with the woman before they are willing to commit.

88. Men may act differently in love than in other relationships: A man’s behavior toward a woman he loves can differ significantly from how he interacts with others.

89. Men may stay in a relationship out of convenience rather than love: Some men may remain in a relationship because it’s comfortable, even if they are not in love.

90. Men are more likely to cheat if they feel their needs are not being met: If a man feels neglected or unchallenged, he may seek fulfillment elsewhere.

91. Men appreciate women who are good listeners: Being a good listener can help strengthen a relationship and keep a man engaged.

92. Men value loyalty in a relationship: Loyalty is a key factor in keeping a man committed.

93. Men may retreat when they feel overwhelmed: If a man feels overwhelmed by a relationship, he may withdraw emotionally or physically.

94. Men value a woman’s ability to maintain her own identity: Losing oneself in a relationship can lead to a man losing interest.

95. Men appreciate women who understand their need for personal space: Respecting a man’s need for time alone can help maintain the relationship.

96. Men respond to physical attraction: Men are often more visually oriented, and physical appearance plays a significant role in their initial attraction to a woman.

97. Men are sensitive to how women present themselves: Beyond just neatness and cleanliness, men are affected by how a woman carries herself, including posture, grace, and overall composure.

98. Men can be influenced by societal and cultural norms: The content suggests that men’s behavior and expectations can be shaped by cultural norms, such as those seen in hip-hop culture, which may affect their views on relationships.

99. Men can be manipulated by highly skilled women: The content mentions that men, including men of God, can be led astray by women who are well-trained in certain manipulative techniques, especially during vulnerable times.

100. Men can sometimes marry women they don’t truly value: While men may sometimes marry women who are easily attainable, they are likely to take these women for granted and not value the relationship as much.

101. Men often need to feel like they are the ones "winning": Men may prefer to feel like they are "winning" a woman’s affection or achieving something difficult, rather than having it handed to them easily.

102. Men are not easily changed by external pressures: Even with significant influence, men are unlikely to change their core behaviors and attitudes unless they choose to do so themselves.

103. Men may exhibit different behavior based on age or maturity: Older men might respond differently to certain situations compared to younger men, especially in how they handle relationships.

104. Men often want to avoid drama or complicated relationships: Men are generally not looking for relationships that come with a lot of emotional or psychological baggage.

105. Men may be driven by instinctual behaviors: The content compares men’s behavior to that of animals, suggesting that some male behaviors in relationships are instinctual and deeply rooted in their nature.

106. Men may react differently based on their upbringing: A man’s background, such as whether he grew up in a traditional or modern household, can influence his behavior and expectations in relationships.

107. Men might equate a woman’s value with how she handles her personal life: Men could perceive a woman’s ability to manage her life, including her career, friendships, and family relationships, as a reflection of her potential as a partner.

108. Men could be influenced by their peers: A man's behavior and decisions in a relationship can sometimes be swayed by the opinions or behaviors of his male friends or social group.

109. Men’s long-term commitment might hinge on a woman’s understanding of his needs: If a woman demonstrates an understanding of what a man needs emotionally and psychologically, it might deepen his commitment.

110. Men might withdraw if they sense too much emotional dependence: While men appreciate being needed, too much emotional dependence from a woman can make them feel overwhelmed and lead them to withdraw.

111. Men may value a woman's ability to navigate social situations: A woman’s social skills, including how she interacts with his friends, family, and colleagues, can impact how a man views the long-term potential of the relationship.

112. Men may test boundaries to understand a woman’s values: Men might push certain boundaries in a relationship to see where a woman stands on issues of importance to her, which can influence their respect for her.

113. Men might respect women who stand firm on their principles: A woman who is consistent and firm in her beliefs and values, even when challenged, is often more respected by men.

114. Men might appreciate subtle flirtation over overt advances: While men enjoy being pursued to some degree, they might prefer subtle signs of interest rather than overt or aggressive advances from women.

115. Men’s interest can be maintained through a balance of familiarity and novelty: A relationship that offers both comfort and the occasional surprise or new experience might keep a man more engaged and interested.

116. Men Value Discretion: Men may appreciate women who are discreet about the relationship, especially in its early stages. Publicly sharing too much too soon can make them uncomfortable.

117. Men Can Be Pragmatic in Relationships: Men might approach relationships with a more practical mindset, considering factors like compatibility, shared goals, and long-term potential.

118. Men May Fear Vulnerability: While women are often encouraged to be open, men might fear vulnerability and avoid discussing their deepest feelings until they trust their partner deeply.

119. Men May Prioritize Stability: Men often value stability and might be drawn to women who provide a sense of calm and order in their lives.

120. Men Can Be Impacted by Their Past: A man’s previous relationships or childhood experiences can significantly influence how he behaves in current relationships, including his fears, insecurities, and expectations.

121. Men May Appreciate Subtle Praise: Men often respond well to genuine, subtle praise, particularly related to their strengths, efforts, or achievements.

122. Men Need to Feel Respected in Their Roles: Whether it’s in their career, family, or social circles, men often need to feel respected in the roles they occupy, and this respect can extend into their romantic relationships.

123. Men Often Prefer Women Who Are Supportive: A supportive partner who encourages his goals and ambitions can make a significant impact on a man’s commitment to the relationship.

124. Men Appreciate Competence: Men are often attracted to women who are competent and capable in their chosen fields or interests. This can include career success, personal hobbies, or skills.

125. Men May Have Unspoken Expectations: Some men may have certain expectations in a relationship that they don’t verbalize. Understanding this can help women navigate potential misunderstandings.

126. Men Often Value Tradition: Many men, consciously or subconsciously, adhere to traditional gender roles, which might influence their expectations in a relationship.

127. Men Can Be Sensitive to Criticism: While constructive feedback is important, men may react strongly to criticism, especially if it feels like an attack on their competence or identity.
     

Stay wise, stay busy, and always be a little unattainable.

Selah, dream girl.

This week, we’re diving right in. As we approach the end of our time together, I’m confident that by the end of this mini collection of wisdom, you’ll never accept less than you deserve.

You won’t settle for anything less than the relationship God intends for you, and you’ll stand firm in your decision to wait for the right man, not the available and interested right now man. The right man will come for you—you belong to him, like a parent picking up their child or a key to a door that’s all yours. No one leaves behind what’s part of them.

Let’s get into it, shall we? I hope your notes app is ready.

If you missed last week, catch up here.

MARRIAGE MART LESSON FOUR

1. Always Set Boundaries

   Firmly but Politely Stand firm, but be gentle. Set your boundaries clearly, without feeling the need to be harsh. Whether it’s turning down a request or setting limits around intimacy, be assertive while maintaining respect. Be the lady your parents raised you to be (or should’ve, lol).
   

2. Recognize Patterns in His Behavior
   Pay attention to any recurring behaviors that suggest dependency or avoidance of responsibility. If he’s leaning on you for financial or emotional support constantly, take note—it could signal a deeper issue you’re better off without. He’s going against his biological design.

   

3. Stay Independent and Continue Your Life
   Girl, your plans don’t stop for a man. Stay committed to your hobbies, your career, your friendships—whatever it is that lights you up. Independence is magnetic, and a full life is your birthright. You are a human being, after all.
   

4. Respect Yourself and Carry Yourself with Dignity
   How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you

   

5. Be Seen as Someone Important (Because You Are??)
   Project your value, girl. Hold yourself with the kind of energy that demands respect. What people see is how you feel about yourself. The way you perceive yourself sets the tone for how others will treat you.
   

6. Retire the FBI Badge, Girl—Hang It Up
   Don't cling to him before he’s given you something real to hold onto. That means no trailing him around at events or constantly showing up uninvited. Neediness isn’t cute, and you’re too valuable to act like you’re chasing anyone. He’s supposed to chase you. He’s supposed to know who your cousin tagged in that one post is and where they went to school. Don’t play detective until it’s warranted.
   

7. Be You
   A confident woman doesn’t need validation from anyone, and that is the real magic. Men are drawn to women who walk with dignity and self-worth—it’s intoxicating without you even trying.
   

   

8. Don’t Try to Change Him
   You can't mold him into who you want him to be, no matter how much you think it’s for his own good. Men don’t like feeling controlled. Instead, model the behavior you want to see—if he’s worth it, he’ll adapt on his own. Instead of matching his energy, be your energy. If you’re "energy-ing" right, you won’t tolerate anything you don’t want to see.
   

9. The Magic of the Roster
   If he’s seeing other people, you’re free to do the same. Exclusivity is a two-way street, and you shouldn't be the only one committed while he keeps his options open. Even if you have to make up an imaginary roster, don’t hang all of your hopes on one man.

10. Don’t Let Him Pressure You
    Politeness isn’t weakness—it’s power. You can set boundaries with grace. Decline demands, reject advances, but do it with a smile. It’s a lot harder for someone to argue against a firm decision wrapped in kindness.
    

11. Let Him Experience the Consequences of His Actions
    If he disrespects you or takes you for granted, don’t shield him from the fallout. Distance yourself. Show him what it feels like when he loses access to your presence. And if he doesn’t care when you distance yourself, girl, why do you?

    

12. Avoid Emotional Outbursts and Desperation (e.g., Voice Notes… .. ………)
    No crying fits, no yelling, no emotional rollercoasters. Maturity means handling disagreements with grace and controlling your reactions. Emotional stability is attractive; it’s a sign of strength. Hold your trigger (record button) finger.

    

13. You’re Not Santa Claus
    Dial back the lavish gifts and over-the-top gestures—especially early on. You’re not here to prove your worth by out-gifting him. Let generosity be mutual, and don’t overinvest in someone who hasn’t yet earned that place in your life.
    

14. The Evil Eye Is Real
    Keep things private until there’s something worth sharing. Don’t introduce him to your family or start future-planning before things are stable. A solid foundation needs time without outside interference. Hot take: your friends don’t have to know absolutely everything—especially early on. We’re adults now, let’s act like it.
    

    

15. Men Are Hard Everywhere Women Are Soft
    Confidence doesn’t mean coldness. Warmth, kindness, and emotional availability are still attractive—balance them with your independence. Let him see your softer side, but not at the cost of your dignity. You’re designed this way, and it’s evidenced in our physical makeup. Don’t play boy if you’re not one.
    

16. Don’t Tolerate Disrespect
    Mistreatment doesn’t deserve a pass. Address disrespect immediately, and if it continues, distance yourself. Men respect women who set boundaries and hold firm. Just leave. Ghost even.
    

17. No People Pleasing Allowed
    People-pleasing never did anyone any favors. Authenticity is what’s attractive—not bending over backward to win approval. Be real, and let him meet you there.
    

18. Don’t Be the Resident Initiator
    If you’re always initiating everything—calls, visits, dates—stop. Take a step back and see if he steps up. If he doesn’t, reassess the dynamic and what you deserve.

    

19. Never Ever Mention Commitment or Marriage
    Commitment and marriage should be his idea, not something you push for. Let him come to it naturally. Anything forced rarely has a solid foundation. If I catch one of you on any early date talking about commitment or marriage first, I will find you, and I will give you a very stern… questioning look.
    

20. Avoid Guilt Trips or Emotional Manipulation
    No guilt-tripping. No manipulative antics. Just real, open communication. Emotional health matters, and manipulation has no place in a healthy relationship. You’re an adult—be decent.
    

21. He Doesn’t Need to Know Who Hurt You
    You don’t need to share every detail about your past relationships. Privacy protects what’s still growing—keep things close until you’re ready to go public. As far as he’s concerned, you have no ex-anythings.
    

22. Red Flags Are God’s Mercy
    See a red flag? Don’t ignore it. Address it directly, and if it’s not resolved, walk away. You don’t have to stick around hoping for change. Accept what you see.

23. Avoid Being Codependent
    Be it financial or emotional—dependency is never a good look. Cultivate your own foundation, and let him be the value-add, not the whole structure. You’re your own person—you should have your own infrastructure.
    

24. Be the Standards You Claim to Have
    Your standards are set by the way you live, not by telling him what to do. Maintain your high standards, and let him rise to meet them.
    

25. He Should Be Into You
    Communication should be two-way. If you’re the only one starting conversations, something’s off. Reevaluate the balance.

    

26. Avoid Drastic Life Changes for Him
    No quitting jobs or moving cities without a serious commitment. He needs to be fully in before you make those sacrifices.
    

27. Manage Power Dynamics Carefully
    Dating someone powerful or wealthy? Keep your balance. Don't be impressed just because he’s got money, status, or "power." Show him that your worth isn’t tied to his bank balance, and you don’t consider his worth tied to any of those things either.
    

28. Act Like You’ve Been Here Before
    Gratitude is great, but don't go overboard. Appreciate his gestures without acting like he's your savior for being decent.
    

29. Be Strategic with Your Physical Presence
    Avoid always being around him. Give him space, and keep things balanced. Constantly being there can lessen your allure. Don’t be around all the time—that’s a recipe for being taken for granted.

    

30. Don’t Be His (or His Friend’s) Maid
    Don't become his friends' or family’s cook or caretaker until there’s a commitment. They’re not dating you—he’s dating you or getting to know you. You don’t earn love; it’s freely given. If he wants the benefits of a wife, it’d be in his best interest to either recognize you as his own or move on.

31. Pull Back Sometimes
    Silence doesn’t mean something’s wrong. Don’t fill every moment with words. Let there be stillness, and let connection grow in the quiet. You don’t need to speak every day, especially early on. It’s like overwatering a budding garden. Let the soil, sun, and air do their work.
    

32. Be Willing to Walk Away
    If it’s not working, walk away. Nothing makes your worth clearer than knowing when to leave. And sometimes, that’s what it takes for him to understand what he’s about to lose. If he’s comfortable losing you, he’s not the one, so… you won.

That’s all, my beautiful chiquitas. Believe it or not, have faith in it or not, but many of you are going to be stepping into this beautiful covenant we call marriage very soon, and I’m just here to make sure you don’t get distracted along the way.

Until next week, remember: stay wise, stay busy, and always be a little unattainable.

Selah, dream girl.

Welcome back to Week 3 of Marriage Mart—your guide to maintaining high standards in relationships. Last week, we explored the importance of knowing your worth, embracing independence, and understanding the subtle balance that makes attraction work (the science behind the "dream girl").

This week, we’re turning up the a lil’ bit.

We’re talking about desirability—what makes you irresistible. Fun fact: as a woman, you’re already desirable to men simply by being a woman. Men are not as complicated as they might seem. Just like gravity keeps you grounded, relationships have laws that demand respect. When you understand and follow these principles, your love life will be a million times simpler. Let's get back into the lab shall we?

(Pssst! Missed last week? Catch up here.)

MARRIAGE MART LESSON THREE

1. Make Your Standards Non-Negotiable

There is immense power in having standards and sticking to them. Men will rise to meet your expectations or fall away—and that’s exactly what you want. If he’s interested, he’ll meet the bar; if you lower it, you only invite unnecessary heartbreak. Your standards are your protection; they filter out those unprepared for what you deserve.

Don’t let unhealed self-esteem keep you from what your healed self deserves.

Put your wholeness first.

2. Your Independence Is Your Superpower

Neediness is never attractive to a self-respecting man. An emotionally unbalanced, undeveloped man might find it endearing, but mostly—it’s not. Men love a challenge. Biologically, they are hunters. A hunter gets no thrill from an effortless "kill." That would make him a gatherer. Of which he is not.

Stay busy, stay booked, and let him fit into your schedule. A man wants to be part of your world—not your entire world. He thinks you’re fascinating, and watching you thrive in your natural environment is a treat for him. No one, not even the man who loves you, wants to be the sole source of your happiness.

3. Don’t Overshare Too Soon

Getting emotional too early can extinguish the spark before it even ignites. Men need to feel like they are earning your trust and affection gradually. It’s okay to feel deeply, but sharing every high and low too soon can be overwhelming. Let him discover you bit by bit, instead of making him feel responsible for your happiness. Oversharing can scare him away—it’s human nature.

4. Make Him Earn It

Do not—under any circumstances—play house before you’re in one. That means his last name, a covenant recognized by God, and legally binding documents. Cooking, cleaning, and doing his laundry every weekend are not for girlfriends—they’re for wives.

Let him consistently prove himself (preferably with a wedding date set and a license signed) before he gets wifely privileges (even then…pray about it, nothing’s set in stone yet).

You can’t apply for the role by performing wifely tasks too early. For those of us who’ve broken this rule (myself included), we know it never changes how he sees you. If anything, it’s just a nice little somethin' for nothin' (read: theft).

Jalier!

5. Stop Giving Away All Your Time

Your time is precious. Don’t make him feel like he can access you whenever he wants. You have goals, plans, and a life (??). That energy is what attracted him to you in the first place. Dropping everything for him gives away not only your time but also your power. Who else do you drop everything for? Exactly.

6. Men Love Women Who Are Self-Possessed

Confidence is the ultimate game-changer. It’s not about being the loudest but about knowing your worth and refusing to settle. A confident woman enters a room with presence, not desperation. A man who sees you value yourself will know he has to bring his best—and if he doesn’t, he isn’t for you.

Self-possession means being fully consumed by what makes you, you.

Personally, my confidence comes from knowing the Holy Spirit dwells within me. I see how my energy changes others—I leave them encouraged, at peace, and comforted (it’s the Holy Spirit). IYKYK.

7. Know When to Walk Away

Staying in an unprogressive situation wastes time and energy. If he’s not committing or things aren’t moving forward, be willing to walk away. Men respect women who know their value and won’t stay where they aren’t getting what they deserve. Walking away isn’t losing—it’s making space for what you truly deserve. And this doesn’t mean making idle threats. Get up, girl. When has that ever worked? What happened to the dignity madam?

8. The Law of Respect

Men don’t need undying affection from day one—they need respect. That’s the currency that holds real value. When he knows you respect his ambition, thoughts, and journey, it hits deeper than love. Respect keeps him invested, because when he feels respected, he sees you as a potential partner. Men need respect just as much as you need affection.

9. Don’t Marry Potential

If a man tells you he’s not in love, listen. Don’t try to turn his “maybe” into a “yes.” Men know what they want. If he says he’s not ready, believe him. Don’t marry the potential; marry the reality. If reality isn’t there, walk away. You get what you settle for, not what you want. But if you refuse to settle, what you truly desire can come to you.

10. Your Body Will Never Lie

Chaos is not love. If a relationship leaves you drained, stressed, or doubting yourself, it isn’t worth it. Protect your peace at all costs. A good relationship uplifts you—it doesn’t wear you down. Don’t mistake turbulence for passion; it’s just toxicity in disguise. Walk away from anything that disturbs your inner peace. If your body is out of balance—breaking out, gaining weight, feeling unwell—it’s a sign he’s not right for you.

11. Show Appreciation, but Don’t Overdo It

Everyone likes to feel appreciated, but too much can come off as desperation. Balance your appreciation with maintaining your own value. You don’t have to thank him excessively for things he should be doing. Acknowledge his efforts without making it seem like he’s doing you a favor. Don’t act like no one’s ever made an effort for you—he’ll think he doesn’t have to either. Act like you’ve always been treated like royalty, with reasonable gratitude.

12. Don’t Lose Your Identity

You are a whole person outside any relationship.

Don’t lose yourself by trying to become what you think he wants.

The right man will love you for who you are. Stay true to your interests, quirks, and goals. Your individuality makes you captivating. This applies to friendships and work relationships too—don’t pretend. It’s exhausting.

13. Learn the Power of Silence

You don’t need to fill every moment with words. Sometimes, silence is more powerful. Men reflect during quiet moments—let him wonder what you’re thinking. Let him be intrigued by your mind. Silence can be a powerful tool for maintaining curiosity and respect in any relationship. I’m a yapper, and my yapping is a privilege because I say wonderful things. I’m sure you’re similar. Just be mindful.

14. Let Him Lead Princess

Men have an innate desire to lead. Allowing him to take the lead at times reinforces his role in the relationship. It makes him feel needed and appreciated. Being strong and independent doesn’t mean you can’t let someone take care of you. Balance is key.

If you want a man to do something for you, make him feel like he’s the CEO of that one thing, and without him, you couldn’t possibly manage.

If done right, he’ll empower you through his leadership—fine line, but you’re fine wine. ;)

15. Avoid Over-Explaining

One of the worst things you can do is over-explain yourself. Whether it’s why you can’t see him or why you have certain standards, stop feeling the need to justify your every action. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for respecting yourself. Stand by your decisions confidently. This applies everywhere in life!

16. Keep a Sense of Mystery, but Be Honest

Yes, the word "mystery" can be tiring, but the truth is a bit of it keeps things exciting. This doesn’t mean being deceptive—it means not revealing every detail of your life on day one. Be honest, but let him discover you layer by layer. Keep parts of your life private, at least until trust is established.

17. Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Talk is cheap—it’s actions that matter. If he makes promises but doesn’t follow through, take that as a red flag. On your part, ensure your actions align with your words as well. Consistency builds trust and sets the tone for a healthy relationship.

However he is during the getting-to-know-you phase is how he will be in marriage. Eyes and ears OPEN, class!

18. Don’t Settle for Breadcrumbs

If a man is giving you the bare minimum, don’t accept it out of fear of being alone. You deserve someone who gives you effort, love, and attention without hesitation.

Don’t settle for someone who only contacts you when it’s convenient.

You’re not an option—you’re a priority. Do you know how hard it is for men to find a wife these days? Act accordingly.

19. Be Decisive

Indecisiveness comes off as insecurity. If you want something, say it. If you don’t, make it clear. Men respect women who know what they want. It’s okay to have preferences and voice them confidently. This shows self-assuredness. But remember—this applies more once you’re beyond the initial stages of getting to know each other.

That’s a wrap for this week, babes. We’ve covered everything from why men love a challenge to how respect is the true game-changer in relationships. Internalize these principles, and you won’t just have a man—you’ll have a good man who knows your worth.

It takes a man of value, led by the Spirit of God, to recognize the one God has designed for him.

Until next week, remember: stay wise, stay busy, and

always be a little unattainable.
Selah, dream girl.

Last week on Marriage Mart, we established the importance of knowing your worth, setting boundaries, and embracing the art of letting yourself be seen—but not chasing. This week, we're all about understanding the deeper laws of attraction and why independence is key to not just attracting what you want, but that idealized version of who you want, because news flash, it's not idealized. It’s a real desire placed in your heart for a real purpose. Call it the mystery of allure, call it magnetism, call it whatever you’d like—I don’t particularly care—but these laws, these rules, are what make you (REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE, MIND YOU) irresistible to what you want.

If you missed last week, catch up here.

Being a dream girl is a science, here’s the formula.

MARRIAGE MART LESSON TWO

1. Don’t Settle for Comfort
   The relationship that seems easy and emotionally comfortable isn’t necessarily the right one. In nature, what looks like the road of least resistance can often lead to destruction. When it comes to love, don’t confuse comfort with destiny. Just because you “love” someone or have “strong feelings” for them, does not mean that they are the father of your children. It just means you’re human, tbf.

2. Independence Is Irresistible
   The key to a successful relationship isn’t just about being there for your partner—it’s about being busy, building your own life. Independent women are often more attractive to men because they have their own passions and goals. It keeps the balance of power in check and prevents resentment from either side. You should have things goin’ awn, girl.

   Your life is your life, his life is his life, and your lives together are your lives together. You can’t just not live your life—Christ DIED to give it to you.

   Like, are you okay? Is everything good at home? Clearly not. Pray for healing and let the Holy Spirit restore the part of your heart that seems to think your life doesn’t matter or have purpose. It most certainly does, and we most certainly will feel the effects of you not living it.

   

3. Stay Busy to Avoid the Everything-Depends-on-Him Feeling
   If you find yourself feeling overly dependent or frustrated about some guy’s actions, the answer isn’t to sit around waiting or to suffocate him with your attention. Instead, get involved in your own projects—join a charity, get involved in church, find a hobby that excites you. A full life leaves less room for insecurity. You don’t have to keep checking to see if he read your message or responded. None of your business. The biggest cure to this is having a roster of sorts. Even if the roster is imaginary. Ya gotta maintain the energy that you’re in demand! Booked! Busy! It’s the only way you’ll live in that reality.

   

4. Don’t Expect a Man to Change
   One of the most common mistakes women make is believing they can change a man once they’re in a relationship. You can't—and trying will only lead to heartache. Accept what you see, or move on. End of story.

   There’s no growth arc. Are you a gardener? His mother? Move on dot com.

5. Make Him Earn It
   Moving in together before marriage or giving away too much of yourself too early can ruin what might have been a beautiful relationship. Maintain some mystery and allow the relationship to mature. A good man will commit when he knows he’s found something worth keeping. And he won’t know your worth unless you know (and value) it. There’s no reason for you to share a living space until you’re family.

6. Create a Sense of Hunger
   The idea here isn’t to play games but to create a sense of value. Don’t throw yourself at a man or constantly be available. Be close enough for him to see what he’s missing, but distant enough for him to fear losing you. It’s about balance—arouse interest, then step back.

   There is no book that says you have to respond to every text and every call.

   You don’t respond to the people you’ve known for years for days, why is he—a new character, mind you—getting special treatment? Being chased is part of the fun; let yourself experience it.

7. Keep It Light at First
   When you first start seeing someone, keep the details light. He doesn’t need to know your whole life story, including all your baggage, right away. Focus on what’s important in the moment—getting to know each other in a fun and engaging way. Dating isn’t therapy, so don’t treat him like the person you see biweekly over Zoom.

8. Boundaries Are Non-Negotiable

   A man will treat you how you allow yourself to be treated.

   If you set the tone early by keeping healthy boundaries—no moving in, no “wifely duties” until you’re actually a wife—he will respect you. The same man who mistreats one woman will honor another, simply because she taught him how to. Stand ten on two, girl. Don’t be afraid to lose him—nothing that’s yours can be lost.

9. Don’t Let Jealousy Control You
   Especially when you’re dealing with high-profile or influential men, other women will always be around. Being overly jealous or insecure will only push him away. Confidence is attractive—if he truly loves you, others won’t matter. You don’t have to feel threatened by someone who has the same chromosomal makeup as you. If another woman wants him, and he’s wanting her back, leave them to want each other. You don’t need that kind of energy in your life—it becomes a magnet for more trash to be dumped at your doorstep. And while we’re talking about “influential men,” make him work to impress you.

   No matter what he does, how much money he has, how visible he is, or what family he’s coming from, who cares?

   What matters is who he is. And your standards are incredibly high for who you let into your life anyway.

   

10. Less Is More on the Phone
    Don't be the one constantly dragging out phone calls or conversations. Make him the one who wants more time with you, and always be the one to end the call first. This keeps the dynamic fresh and leaves him wanting more. Don’t make it seem like you’re doing what I’m saying. Make it seem like you just have something going on, like oh, you have to finish an assignment, or meet your friends somewhere, or someone else is calling. He’ll start feeling a little like, oh geez, I’m not the center of her world—how can I get (and keep) more of her attention? Men are hunters. Help them along, lol. Oh, and if he doesn’t seem to care, say a prayer to your Father above for the law of natural selection.

    

11. Gifts and Bills Are Not Your Job (Yet)
    Don’t start paying his bills or buying him extravagant gifts. That’s his role until he’s made a real commitment. Keep your generosity in check until there’s something solid in place. Relax. Men don’t even biologically respond the same way to gifts as women do.

12. Avoid Fantasy Relationships
    Don’t get caught up in the idea of something just because it seems nice. If he hasn’t made any clear moves, it’s not real. Keep your feet on the ground, stay busy, and let him come to you if he’s genuinely interested. What exists is his actions. Nothing outside of that. He’s not thinking anything along the lines of what you’re thinking 99% of the time.

13. Don’t Waste Time on the Wrong Men
    If a man is married or otherwise “entangled,” he’s not for you. It’s a dead-end road filled with unnecessary heartache. Focus on building your own life and attracting the kind of love that’s meant for you. Leave that man aloneeeee.

    Also, what does it say about him? Again, you do not need that energy inviting more garbage to be dumped at the doorstep of your life.

14. Know When to Walk Away
    If a relationship isn’t progressing, shake things up. Don’t let yourself be strung along for years—set a time limit for how long you’ll wait for commitment, and if nothing changes, move on. You deserve clarity and certainty. This is assuming you want to be married. A man can “date” you for years (years!) not commit to you, you break up, then he gets married within two months to the next girl. You know why? Aside from a slew of reasons, I guarantee one of them is that she knew what she wanted, and she didn’t accept less. Which brings me to my next point.
    

15. A Woman Teaches a Man How to Treat Her
    From the very first moment you meet, you set the tone for the relationship. Don’t let him overstep your boundaries, and don’t allow him to treat you casually if that’s not what you’re looking for. The right man will respect your limits and rise to meet your standards. Men are creatures of least effort. They’re masters of allocating, managing, and distributing their energy. The good ones aren’t careless in this respect. Make yourself expensive because you are, please. Do you know how many men are looking for wives? Good ones?? Godly ones??? A lot, lol. I refuse for you to go to the lowest bidder. Ew.

    

16. Don’t Play House Before the Vows
    Don’t cook, clean, or act like a wife until you are one. It’s not about being mean—it’s about keeping things balanced. There will be plenty of time for those things after commitment. Like, you’ll be doing those things for the rest of your married life, or outsourcing them if you’re wise and you let the God of heaven bless you like He wants to.

17. Your Life Is Still Yours
    Men love a bit of mystery, if you haven’t picked up on this. You don’t need to reveal every detail about your life or share everything that happens during your day. Be open but not too open, especially in the early stages. Later on, whenever you’re somewhat secure, I do not care what you do with the man God has ordained for you to become one with. Don’t care. None of my business. But if you’re wise, you’ll carry these rules into said marriage, just saying.

    

18. The Right Kind of Independence
    Men are attracted to women who are independent but still open to love. Be confident, be busy, and have a life you love—but also be gracious. Independence isn’t about being harsh or sarcastic; it’s about having your own life while still being warm and approachable.

    You don’t have to be the girl who’s carrying a banner that says, "I hate men, I don’t split the bill," blah blah blah. Just be who you are. Stand firm in your values and beliefs.

    Don’t make him feel bad, and don’t be mean, omg—he’s someone’s son, a baby in some respects, be kind, and love him on the level of his humanity. You don’t gotta be brash with it.
    

19. Confidence Is Key
    When a man knows that you’re not desperate for commitment—that you’re happy and confident in yourself—he’s more likely to take things seriously. Confidence attracts, and it keeps you grounded no matter where the relationship goes.

    The key here is to pretend you don’t want what you really want (commitment).

    You can act like you couldn’t care less, and you’re just interested in live, laugh, loving. Where a lot of girls make the mistake here, is that they’ll aim to show this through action—like giving him access to their body, trying ever so hard to be the cool girl, or a mix of all of these things. Not necessary. If you have a roster in your mind, imaginary, real, hybrid, whatever, this will be a lot easier. Confidence is a mindset.

That's it for today, babes. This week, we've focused on the power of independence, creating a magnetic presence, and the subtle balance of attraction. I’m so serious, if you internalize these principles, you’ll have a slew of options when it comes to guys that want to marry you. Like all things, it’s a numbers game. Keep these tips in your back pocket and continue building a love life that aligns with your worth. Until next time, may you be found among the wise. Selah, skinny legend queen.